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Long YOLO Notes

They’re back, dudes, they’re back. Just like those canaries in those coal mines, PIK toggle notes are back and they are ready to party until they are dead because that is why and how canaries die in coal mines. Scene from a coal mine: “What’s that gassy smell, Fitz?” “I don’t know, Mac, but that

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Cypriot Experiments: Mugabe Optimality in Banking

Something is going on in Cyprus. It’s been difficult for us to figure out the details due to the tough conditions: 15 years later we still can’t figure out how to use Bloomberg for anything other than financial AIM (we bloom dudes all day long); ever since Google murdered Google Reader (future murdered, if you’re

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LONG CAPITALISM

A concerning trend is whether our leaders actually believe in capitalism at all anymore. Here is a recent speech from Ben Bernanke (it’s pretty boring so prepare yourself appropriately with stimulants whatever their origins): Today most advanced industrial economies remain, to varying extents, in the grip of slow recoveries from the Great Recession. With inflation

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Diversifying Fund I

Tinderbox Capital LLC, an incendiary investment management firm and subsidiary of Long or Short Capital LLC, announces its third fund, Diversifying Fund I. Diversifying Fund I will specialize in offering the purest form of diversification available to investors. Tinderbox Capital will allocate physical cash into a physical box that we’ve painted black. This box will

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Long the Wealth Effect

We admit that we doubted the zimbabweconomists who said “this will work, trust us, we’ve never been wrong theoretically,” but the wealth effect is working. We feel GREAT. More importantly, we feel rich. So much so that we are using a new word to describe our riches — wealth. And all that wealth burning a

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Long Mitt Romney

Things have never looked worse for Mitt Romney. We think they can only get better. Since securing the Republican party’s mandate, Romney had hovered near a coin-flip to beat The Obama. Then Romney made the unfortunate mistake of personally insulting half the country in attempt to secure votes, an unconventional and seemingly unsuccessful strategy. Romney’s

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Short the Humblebrag

Published on May 1, 2012 by in Research

While making out with Kate Upton last night, it hit me. I turned to KitKate, my name for her, and stared straight into her eyes. “Baby, I just had an idea.” Her eyes stared back, empty just like her head. “Baby, my idea is really true.” It was then that I realized that I hadn’t

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Dangerous Fund II

Tinderbox Capital LLC, an incendiary investment management firm and subsidiary of Long or Short Capital LLC, announces its second fund, Dangerous Fund II. Dangerous Fund II will specialize in lighting money on fire. Tinderbox Capital will allocate physical cash into positions in which it will ignite. These positions will include the log cabin, the teepee,

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Ben Bernanke announces Quantitative Easy

Hi everybody. It’s me, Ben Bernanke. As many of you know, I’ve been extremely busy. During Quantitative Easing I and II, I’ve spent almost all of my time finding just the right amount of flation. This is very difficult for one person to do, but don’t worry — I have a calculator that helps me

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Short Live-Action Penguins

Box Office Mojo has analysis on the filmic penguin market: Despite its Liar Liar alienated father angle, Mr. Popper’s Penguins is shaping up to be a miss for Jim Carrey, who used to knock this kind of movie out of the park. The movie seems like an odd duck for June, and the live penguins

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Me-too shop BofA goes “Long-on-Women”

LoS has long been long-on-women ever since we learned that they were the only source for babies. According to years of research and field study, women have a de facto monopoly on having babies. And despite numerous damning letters we have sent outlining the grievous impact this monopoly has had and will continue to have

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Important Caveats

When evaluating an investment in a new product, one whose markets had previously been thought to be so niche as to be theoretical, this is the kind of language that would make a savvy sophisticated investor feel longer: [It] also seems like there will be a high likelihood of these vehicles making their way to

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Dear LoS: To Dag or Not To Dag

Dear LoS, I work for a bank in London. Or rather, I had been working for a bank in London, and now, I have to fight for not only my job, but my life. You see, after the recent bumper bonus tax, my firm is downsizing its staffing levels in London. Some jobs are being

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Risk in our Doomsday Device Fund

Dead_Cat commented on the Screw You, Science piece thusly: I hereby launch my new fund Doomsday Device Partners Fund I LLC. This is a private equity-style product specifically focused on the acquisition and exploitation of doomsday devices. The fund will develop a diversified portfolio of doomsday devices, which may include particle accelerators, nuclear research and

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