Long or Short Capital

• Are you gloomy this Friday? Well don't drink. Instead watch this: http://bit.ly/17MiTM Take time for your pleasure. And laugh with love. #
• Actually, drink too, it can't hurt. #

A number of our investors have contacted us, asking us questions like:

• are you still alive?
• where are our dividends?
• have you stopped posting due to being brutally murdered?

The answer to all these questions is yes, yes and yes.

Or it’s that the stimulus is working but we have to respect our arrangement with the Blog Czar. If you missed the Abstract Investment Idea Investment and Recovery Act of 2009 (you did), you also missed that President Obama appointed a Blog Czar to oversee the compensation levels for authors of arcane and imaginary investment ideas. It’s only fair that compensation is regulated for these blogs given the staggering amounts of taxpayer money they have received from the federal government. Obviously, we at Long or Short have received far more than our share of the pseudo-real investment blog bailout. Again, it’s only fair.

We were also able to negotiate an agreement whereby we submit our commentary for regulation rather than our compensation. You see, if our compensation is regulated, we will no longer have incentive to research new, cutting edge fabrications for publication*. However, if our commentary is regulated, but we are still well-compensated, we will continue to be productive as ever, dreaming up incredible and illusory investment opportunities which we can then publish to the public. Unless, of course, the Blog Czar regulates our speech. Which he normally does, because if he didn’t, what would he really have to do? It’s only fair.

So, in summary, we are alive. We are still as inventive and imaginative and profitable as ever (moreso!). And we are excited to bring you all the commentary that isn’t regulated by the Czar (probably not much, to be honest) and to reap massive profits on that which is censored.

As you can see, it’s all quite fair.

* We will also be unable to contribute to the ruling party at the levels we would like to (if we are overly compensated).

More magic from Steve Wynn — slightly delayed due to our summer escapades — on his 2Q09 conference call.

The Administration is more of a problem than they are of a help usually, if you read the headlines. Everyone is frightened to death about runaway inflation if these deficits are allowed to take place. The good news is the Senate seems to be slowing it down.
But we can’t see where it’s good for business to have that debt as a percentage of GDP go from 30% to 60% or 70%. That sort of makes us an emerging country. But maybe wiser heads will prevail and some of the things that are on the table, these amazing misunderstandings of how the system works, will get slowed down in Washington.
Right now, we are more afraid of Washington that we are the economy. We’ve got people on our backs saying don’t go to Las Vegas, which is preposterous. And people are beginning to ignore this kind of bombastic rhetoric from the White House and from the Administration, and that is encouraging.

Translation: Politicians suck and are doing their best to destroy American business.

My own feeling is the government of Macau will protect and so will the central government of Beijing and the regional government in Juhai at Guangdong province, at Guangzhou. The government will do a very enlightened and thoughtful job of protecting the interest of the citizens and the business enterprises that support the health of those businesses.
In America, we have a government that has decided that anybody that creates jobs must be bad, that the job creators should have a target painted on their back. What a remarkable misunderstanding of how the United States of America works. I tell you that that is not the case in Macau, and it’s not the case in the People’s Republic of China. And maybe we could all learn a lesson by watching what happens there.

Translation: I currently prefer to do business in a People’s Republic than the USA.

I think that the Encore tower when it debuts in a few months is going to give people a really clear insight as to what we will do next, and the level at which we will be operating in China. It is a great place to do business — really wonderful. None of the anxiety that we have at the present time in America.
I have been self insuring my employees, up to 40,000 of them, for 40 years. And everything I am reading about Obamacare is a train wreck. And I say that as an insurer — a train wreck.

Translation: No, seriously, I prefer the communist country.

We put Beyonce in here on the toughest weekend other than December 19th of the year. We did it on purpose. This is — conventions and stuff like that start the first part of August. We picked a real trough in the traditional revenue seasons. And so she is a special event as opposed to an ongoing entertainment event. And a remarkable, and as I said, lovely, lovely lady.
…
I should tell you that we own the life rights to the Bee Gees. And we’re working on a show about that. Garth Brooks was here as a friend. He didn’t charge. That was just a buddy singing. As a matter of fact, Garth is going to be here tonight to watch Beyonce with his wife, with Trisha Yearwood, and his three daughters — going to sit with me.
And I think that Garth Brooks is a stay-at-home dad, and take his kids to school every morning — he really does actually take his children to school every single morning — an extraordinary fellow, really extraordinary.

Translation: Please allow me the luxury of dropping a few names to remind you that I am richer and having a more interesting life than you.

• http://www.statesman.com/news/content/news/stories/local/2009/09/18/0918lobb.html Pure awesome. #
• And question I had: why would a Federal judge be part of a groundbreaking ceremony? Did he give the project a sweet ruling or something? #

What motivates me? In a rare interview/sale, I give readers a glimpse into my soul in this Mr. Juggles public listing:

My name is Juggles, I belive it´s like so solely cause, ever since I was aware of my paws, I had all kinds of balls in my hands, spining them, throwing them in the air and doing all sorts of tricks with them! 🙂
At the moment I´m practising a special trick by balancing them stacked towerly like on top of my head … do you think I´ll be able to pull it off?!

Recommendation: No man and no woman can ever own me…unless they have $19 at their disposal.

Analyst Q: The commission cap agreement among the various operators. Sheldon, is there a method set up for enforcing that? And how do you expect it’ll affect your bottom line?

Sheldon Adelson, Las Vegas Sands (NYSE: LVS) Chairman: Well that’s a good question. There has been no when I was there, I committed to do it on the honor system. The breach of which will be reason to beat people up with a wet spaghetti noodle.

Translation: There is no way to enforce this collusive agreement among the local operators because this is China.

Analyst Q: Can I ask about the Sands on the peninsula? All of the revenue components are down, and yet your EBITDAR margin is up an impressive six points, and your EBITDAR is up 13%. How do you do that?
Sheldon Adelson, LVS Chairman:By cooking the books! Just kidding, just kidding. Mike, do you want to answer that?

Translation: I am the Chairman of a public company and I’m joking on a public conference call about cooking the books of a company that is probably cooking the books*. Draw your own conclusions.

*Our lawyers have advised us to note that, when saying that LVS is cooking the books, we don’t mean that in any kind of legal sense. We may mean that in a culinary sense and look forward to a 4th Quarter quiche.

Success seems to be connected to action. Successful people keep moving. They make mistakes, but they don’t quit.
-Conrad Hilton

Past Quotes Entirely Relevant to Investing

• A survey just asked what absolute return strategies do you recommend for the rest of the year, I said "Doing nothing" #

• A survey just asked what absolute return strategies do you recommend for the rest of the year, I said "Doing nothing" #

I like men who have a future and women who have a past.
-Oscar Wilde

Past Quotes Entirely Relevant to Investing

• What % of our demo has eaten government cheese? What % has a friend that they know has eaten government cheese?I'd say 5% & 20%, respective #
• @itsdannynaylor Y.E. ….HOO? Damn Jim Nantz in reply to itsdannynaylor #
• Just watched like 15 mins of Jim Cramer's show in the gym, never really watched for that long before. It embarrasses me that people watch it #
• I mean I was embarrassed to watch it and I was doing it for science. #
• Awesome news if you like awesome things http://bit.ly/tRNsq #

• Last two items on this got caught off http://bit.ly/FxsBD
  , now restored to its proper greatness #

You rush a miracle man, you get rotten miracles.
-Miracle Max in the Princess Bride

Past Quotes Entirely Relevant to Investing

• That picture should have been in the post originally, blame slack internal controls for its initial absence #
• RT @felixsalmon Hugo Lindgren invents the Hot Waitress Index http://bit.ly/Y5yBe – no sympathy for the fembots! #
• bread and circuses: http://bit.ly/14MxDL #
• Depressing:"households w an income under $13,000 spend an average of $645 annually on scratch-off tickets" from old TMQ http://bit.ly/Nfwai #
• @Anal_yst FB is trying to tell you something. Maybe it knows you better than you know yourself. in reply to Anal_yst #
• That post was our 500th tweet! 500 tweets, I never thought we'd get there, such a big number, even bigger than 318 or 186 or even 427. #
• Suggest people for us to follow on Twitter. We only follow 10. We want people who can really tweet, no crap. #