However, given the profit opportunities Juggles illustrated, along with the rent seeking opportunities they represent, I now sort of wish we’d had more kids and less career and money.

You assume that J. Debacle is the axe on girl assets. That remains to be seen. You also completely overlook the benefits of having children. More children make it easier to qualify for more tax breaks and outright government handouts. There is, apparently, a grave need to stimulate reproduction and leisure instead of productivity and Obama has announced that government will wisely do just that.

I propose the only way to really make the economy take its first big stride forward to recovery is to nationalize her and allow bankers to use her as means to rebuild confidence. This would undoubtedly be a highly controversial step but saving our economy is more important than any supposed “moral hazard.” To satisfy the Bailout Stimulus (or B-S for short) conditions on the population at large benefiting from such an investment she can be “taken public” by resale to Club Jenna by Vivid for a huge profit generator in DVD sales and “Club” appearances. It will take a few years to spin her assets back out for public benefit, by that time the coke habit and confidence (along with closely related cousin: The Bull Market) are back full swing!

(note: the public, like bank equity holders, will in no way experience anywhere near the benefits of those in Finance. They will gladly way over pay for what they are actually getting and by that time her risk level will be WAY more “speculative” than an equity traunch of a CDO. We all know the ensuing bull market will cause the irrelevance of risk controls and due diligence so just remember to get her stamped with the AAA rating and it’s a done deal.)

Long Jessica Simpson. Short Calista Flockhart.

Which should be easy. I’d long Jessica Simpson any day.

The combined market forces of less clevage on display combined with larger clevages to cover will cause material costs to sky-rocket, allowing the sweatshops to turn over a proper profit in what is likely to be a difficult year. With luck, this will warm the hearts of the owners to extending 2 warm meals a week to the hard-working kids.

See, it’s a humanitarian investment as well.