Piganol, the Pork Based Renewable Fuel Source
by Johnny Debacle
Clearly, there are still a lot of kinks to be worked out for piganol to be a viable alternative to traditional fossil fuels, but we are cautiously optimistic. This is only a prototype design, but fuel efficiency is reported to be quite good, as is the bacon byproduct (I had some).
As you can see there are some tradeoffs.
The fuel tank is larger than you would expect on such a vehicle and is now a mesh wire cage rather than a fully enclosed tank. This presents an opportunity for vehicles to get into accidents when their pigs get snagged on an incoming vehicle; it’s possible that this could be fixed by dismembering all the pigs but this revision has not yet been incorporated into the design.
The pigs squeal creating noise pollution. We are old school so we don’t see the exchange of one kind of pollution (green house) for another (noise) as a net benefit to society. Pollution is pollution.
Recommendation: Currently, we put piganol as a low probability to become a viable alternative to traditional fossil fuels, but we will continue to monitor piganol, sheepanol and and other live-animal-in-cages fuel sources. There are ways to position your portfolio to benefit from traction gained by piganol without engendering the huge risk associated with a not-yet adopted future technology. The pig byproducts markets will benefit from increased prices when/if piganol takes off. In this space, we recommend Bacon for the strength of its fundamentals and its ability to effectively complement lettuce and tomatoes, an overlooked component of its ability to grow earnings. We see Bacon as a low risk investment with moderate upside, allowing even the most cautious investor a way to play piganol.
I only see viability in going long bacon as a hedge against any early investment in piganol. As a recently enlightened Jew, I can attest to bacon’s overall goodness. But I fear that piganol will sweep the US of A, simply because bacon exhaust is at least 28% more delicious than gasoline by-products. This will result in a supply of bacon and rinds that will drive down the profits to pig farmers as the American diet is already pushing at its capacity with respect to pork products.
I really think there is a play to be made in “delicious exhaust.” Why is the international community so focused on reducing emissions — wouldn’t it be easier to make those emissions more delicious?
I think research indicates that piganol produces less bacon byproduct per kg pig use than the normal market rate, so there would actually be less bacon, pushing bacon prices higher.
Hamaranth Advisors recommends the following positions and hedge strategies:
Long Pork Chops Short Trotters
Long Pork Bellies Short Ham Hocks (smoked)
Long Proscuitto Short Spam
Long Short Ribs Short Spare Ribs
Long Boston Butt (pulled pork yummy) Short Headcheese
Long Sausage Short Snouts and Ears
We agree with Mr. Debacles position on Long Bacon and complimentary goods Lettuce, Tomato but would like to add Long Mayo, White Bread, Toasters, and Bar-B-Que Sauce. Again the might pig has proven it’s self to be a magical beast that provides not only bacon, pork chops and ham, but a fuel source and natural hedge strategies.
Let’s be careful here. We definitely need to be short long pork. There is no upside there. None.
But when you consume long pork, you gain the powers of the person. Why do you think I’m so smart? I’ve been on a modified Atkins Long Pork diet for years.
Plus skewing the market towards survival of the fittest (the rich and the strong) benefits the fittest at the expense of the weak (the poor and the meek). Which are you? And more importantly, which do you want to think you are?
“But when you consume long pork, you gain the powers of the person.”
Gotdam asymmetrical information …
wait til PETA finds out.
That’s why the key for piganol potential is to set the Greens vs the PETA’s. Who wins in a mano a mano contest between Nature and THE WILD.