Crazy Person or Bluetooth Headset? The Home Game

by Johnny Debacle

During my commute, I am frequently left to wonder about why it is that fellow travelers are talking to themselves. Are they crazy, maybe burdened with schizophrenia or with the tourettes? Or are they simply business professionals affecting the trappings of insanity by talking to the open air in front of them with the vehemence, volume and animation reserved for discussions with the voices within their head?

Hence Crazy Person or Bluetooth Headset.

This morning I was treated to two such travelers, allowing for two rounds of CPBH.

Round 1:

Man in his early 30’s, nattily dressed but in a casual fashion. Dark curly hair a little bit unkempt but not overly so. He sat on the train having this conversation with open space: “Father, you are up. It’s good to hear that [laughing a little crazily].” He continued but was cut-off by a cloud of people and background noise. Was he crazy or just bluetooth equipped?

Crazy person!

Round 2:

Asian man on the street, in a normal looking coat, mid-40’s gesticulating wildly while screaming things in Chinese or whatever. But his hair gave him away. Too well-coiffed to be a crazy person.

Bluetooth Headset!

In business flight terminals, you can play the sister game Bluetooth Headset and/or Total D-Bag.

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  1. Coop
    March 2nd, 2007 | 11:59 am

    Allow me to me describe the funniest thing I have ever seen in an airport:
    A man, mid thirties, sits in the airport terminal waiting area wearing a natty leather jacket and a stupid looking baseball hat. I gather from his bluetooth conversation that he is 1) Drunk (at noon) and 2) A computer programmer. So far this looks promising. I am not dissapointed. Just as drunk programmer’s tech-assistance call to his girlfriend reaches boiling point, a young, mildly attractive girl sits down directly across the seating aisle from him. She is not more than four feet away from his face. Suddenly, the programmer becomes animated, gesturing wildly with his hands, spit flying from his mouth. Because he is on a bluetooth headset, he is not constrained to one-hand gesturing. What makes this hilarious is that he is sitting forward in his seat, staring straight ahead, and screaming about booting the OS and such, about one foot from aformentioned girl’s face, screaming directly at her, his eyes vacantly staring straight ahead. From ten feet away, it looked like an abusive relationship. The girl practically broke her neck to avoid eye contact. In this case, I delivered the following verdict: Bluetooth Headset AND Crazy Person.

  2. March 2nd, 2007 | 12:31 pm

    And D-bag it sounds like.

  3. Wacktack
    March 2nd, 2007 | 3:53 pm

    “In business flight terminals, you can play the sister game Bluetooth Headset and/or Total D-Bag.”

    I’d say it’s more often both than either.

  4. March 2nd, 2007 | 4:19 pm

    Damn. There goes all the anger management visualization I did this afternoon. You hit a real nerve with this one.

  5. TheUnrepentantGunner
    March 2nd, 2007 | 6:30 pm

    well, clearly the sister game forgot option 3

    “bluetooth headset AND douche-bag.”

    in fact, option 3 would be the default choice.

  6. TheUnrepentantGunner
    March 2nd, 2007 | 6:32 pm

    wow i cant read on friday. has it really only been 2 drinks for me. totally missed the and.

    thats all for now

  7. Kilian
    March 2nd, 2007 | 8:20 pm

    On the subject of funniest airport stories;

    Husband and wife in mid-thirties looking quite hassled in Gatwick Airport with multiple luggage increments and one obnoxious child form human – husband berating wife, overheard snippet of which: “Our flight is going from Stansted!”