Madlibs for The Market of February 27th, 2007

by Mr Juggles

NEW YORK — The stock of [Company Name] is down [Number greater than 4]% in trading today. The movement is reportedly due to a Chinese market meltdown on concerns that government regulators would [increase taxes / curb investment / invade Taiwan / destroy the Earth’s environment] and fears of [a recession / inflation / deflation / a war with Iran / an emerging market bubble / that purple bastard Grimace]. Also contributing to the market decline today were [former Fed wizard / the man responsible for this mess / old Jewish man] Alan Greenspan’s recent comments that the economy is [ headed for a recession/ doing OK right now / irrationally stable].

While no one is sure what the recently released report on [Economic Indicator] really means, since the statistics are vague and have almost no conclusive predictive power anyway, stock brokers across the world should live in fear of being thrown out of the windows of tall buildings.

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  1. The Corner
    February 27th, 2007 | 3:33 pm

    Would LoS care to comment on the recent news that Leverage Sellout has been bought out? I know LoS has been long LS for quite some time, is it time to take profits, even in this tumultuous marketplace?

  2. February 27th, 2007 | 3:53 pm

    Who bought it? Link please.

    We were seriously considering an LBO of LSO to form a combined entity LOSLSO which would leverage LOS frequency with LSO density to form an uber platform, henceforth named LOSLSO. We think we could create a viable platform for continued content acquisitions that could begin the much needed consolidation of this space.

  3. hey
    February 27th, 2007 | 6:34 pm

    LSO writes “Damn it feels good to be a banker” a blatant rip off of Office Space.

    So that LOSLSO merger is SOL.

  4. February 28th, 2007 | 3:36 am

    I think Fin times used your madlib, cover story: “The Dow was down more than 500 points at one stage yesterday afternoon as concerns over Iran, worries about the US subprime mortgage market and a warning about a possible US recession from Alan Greenspan, former chairman of the Fed Reserve, punctured recent market optimism.”

  5. JCauto
    February 28th, 2007 | 7:34 am

    I am a stockbroker on the 18th floor of a very visible building. Should I be long on days off today?

  6. Cincinnatus_C
    March 2nd, 2007 | 10:41 am

    I just moved to NYC and i’m thinking of going long on black girls.