Better Ways to Spend $7.4 billion than buying Chrysler

by Johnny Debacle
  • Donating $1,000 in malt liquor money to each member of the US homeless population
  • Making Spiderman 3 24.67 times
  • Drowning a stripper by making it rain with $7.4 billion in singles. Sacagawea singles.
  • Buying decaying shark corpse art for all your closest friends. Your 1,000 closest friends assuming you get a discount for buying decaying shark corpses in bulk (we have little information on the dynamics of the decaying shark art market).
  • Purchasing Manchester United, Arsenal, AC Milan, Real Madrid, the New York Yankees, the Boston Red Sox, the LA Dodgers, the Chicago Cubs and the New York Mets with enough cash to probably buy half the NHL.
  • Lifetime bottle service
  • 1.75 billion golf balls to prep for that management consulting interview question
  • A money bonfire

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POSTED: 05/14/07 10:50 AM
Comment (11)


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Comments

  1. JCauto
    May 14th, 2007 | 11:34 am

    I think your analysis is flawed. There is no material difference between buying Chrysler or having a money bonfire.

  2. ko
    May 14th, 2007 | 12:15 pm

    JCAuto,

    I disagree there is no difference between a bonfire and buying chrystler. That’s why they call the money Chrysler (or any company) spends, but doesnt make, a burn-rate.

    ko

  3. To The Hilt
    May 14th, 2007 | 2:40 pm

    Mr. Debacle,

    I hate to tell you this, but you’re severely overpaying for your golf balls.

  4. Johnny Debacle
    May 14th, 2007 | 2:44 pm

    If I had $7.4bn to spend on golfballs, I would severely overpay for them. This is a personal guarantee I make to you To The Hilt, and lest you not be confused by imitators and charlatans, know that I am for real on this one. I give you my solemn bond as an anonymous man.

  5. Johnny Debacle
    May 14th, 2007 | 2:46 pm

    Btw, I look forward to the day your rival shows up in the comments. “To The Limit”. His theme song would make him the goto “To The” commenter and I think would really expose you for the theme song lacking commenter you are.

  6. To The Hilt
    May 14th, 2007 | 3:07 pm

    If you want to leave 180 million pro v1s on the table, you’re welcome to do so.

    As far as to To The Limit is concerned, I’ll go with what my man The Dude said:

    “Come on, man. I had a rough night and I hate the f*ckin’ Eagles, man!”

    Also, “To The Hilt” is a song by Golden Earring. I’ve never heard it and had to use Google to find out about it, but at least I have a theme song. It probably sucks, though.

  7. ah
    May 14th, 2007 | 3:11 pm

    you guys are forgetting the fundamental rule of PE… It’s not about buying things that make money, it’s about buying big flashy things and telling people you’re making money…

  8. Johnny Debacle
    May 14th, 2007 | 3:52 pm

    I think the fundamental rule of PE that Cerberus is banking on is the fact that they ony have to put in 15% cash and find suckers in the debt market to clamor over one another to write big tickets for the bonds and bank loans.

  9. Lee D
    May 15th, 2007 | 10:36 am

    As I commented elsewhere, given their enthusiasm for owning Chrysler, if you could bash together a convincing pitch for an taking Mr Debacle’s proposed money bonfire public via IPO as an exit, Cerberus would be all ears.

  10. OilGasFutures
    May 19th, 2007 | 3:24 pm

    long energy futures, though there would be some waivers needed 😉

  11. Drinky McDiligence
    May 19th, 2007 | 11:40 pm

    JD is a liar. I know someone who gets him Titleist Pro V1 and Pro V1x’s for free anyway.