Four Simple Steps to Becoming a Billionaire

by Johnny Debacle

From Carter’s Adventure, here is a list of three habits of billionaires:

  1. Exercise daily.
  2. Follow your passion.
  3. Read. A lot. At least two hours a day, but many said they read four or more hours a day.

This type of advice always makes us reflect back on the McSweeney’s piece, 7 Habits of Highly Successful People:

  1. Skiing
  2. Yachting
  3. Snorkeling
  4. Golf
  5. Polo
  6. Dinner parties
  7. Shopping

In our professional opinion, the best way to become obscenely wealthy is still the old fashioned way in 4 simple steps.

Western World Version

  1. Take outrageous risks with extremely high upside.
  2. Be the 1 out of 500 million for whom it pans out. This one is key so focus on it.
  3. Attribute your wealth creation to your own hard work, your own genius and the power of your business plan. Be sure to stress how your wealth was singularly made possible by your unique endowment of elbow grease, street smarts, common sense, all of which your competitors obviously lacked (proven by how poor they are compared to you).
  4. Buy a mega yacht and/or athletic team.

Russian World Version*

  1. Acquire assets illegally either from or with the help of the state. Extra rubles for seizing commodity related assets
  2. Kill all your rivals.
  3. Buy a mega yacht and/or athletic team.
* The Russian version is only 3 steps reflecting certain “efficiencies” in the Russian billionaire market.
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  1. October 11th, 2006 | 7:12 pm

    It’s funny, but I was just saying a similar thing to your Western World Version on in the comment section about how Trump wants to make Americans rich.

  2. Mr Juggles
    October 11th, 2006 | 9:01 pm

    Checking your comment on that site you stray in a wrong direction with your analogy to Netscape.

    Netscape is more comparable to say, Amaranth. They had some bets that would be right, they were just too far into the future and/or at an indeterminate time in the future which they weren’t positioned to survive until.

  3. October 18th, 2006 | 12:02 pm

    I think Netscape had most of the right bets, the problem is that they tried to sell their product to businesses while Microsoft could give it away for free. Without income Netscape had problems competing. It makes me wonder what would happen if someone released a free Windows-clone or a free Office clone before Microsoft became the standard that all businesses seem to adhere to.

  4. hejustlaughs
    October 23rd, 2006 | 6:07 pm
  5. October 26th, 2006 | 10:15 pm

    LOL…very cool article. I need to up my risk taking factors 🙂

    November 28th, 2006 | 9:44 pm

    Let me recommend four simple steps to become a billionaire:
    1. Create a business that serves a higher purpose in life. Create an educational institution or organization that resolves or makes researches for the cure of HIB or cancer.
    2. Produce products or goods which has no competitor that means your institution has the monopoly of the market.
    3. Associate with billionaires and seek their advice on how to attain and become a billionaire.
    4. Attuned your minds to solve complex problems of business or firms. Institutionalist are willing to absorved partners in a lucrative business firms whose partner could be relied on solving complex problems.
    5. Be willing to take risks in business. The greater the risk the greater is the reward.
    6. Resolved to become a billionaire and attain it no matter what the consequences will be. Billionaires are people with a stick-to-itiveness attitude in life.
    7. Realize that the inherent qualities of empires, royalties, dynasties and palaces are problems, risks, intricacies and ambivalence. People who realize these inherent qualties and are well trained and educated to face them will naturally become billionaires.
    8. Tour and have a vacation around the world. Life is too short to procrastinate.

  7. April 10th, 2007 | 6:07 am

    You forgot the fifth. Marry a (successful) hedge fund manager. You can find them in Connecticut. According to Vanity Fayre last year, most are busy doing refits of old established houses down there, so they should be home.

  8. October 28th, 2007 | 2:50 pm

    This post is hilarious and it has truth in it! Great post, I’ve linked it on my blog.

  9. ejezie ernest
    November 11th, 2007 | 11:40 am

    i like to be billionaire please help me to acommplish it.

    with best regards
    ernest ejezie.

  10. jinadu dehinde
    April 18th, 2008 | 10:45 am

    i am an undergarduate in an african university,studying mechanical engineering,all i think of everyday is to become a billionaire , but i am not getting the direction…………. help me out

  11. Ersen
    September 28th, 2008 | 1:27 am

    My name is Ersen and I’m a novice inventor from Australia. I’m expressing my interest of inventions to an investor. All four of my inventions are cost effective and the resources needed are commonly found. If you are interested do contact as negotiations will be made prior to the release of the plans.

  12. October 10th, 2008 | 7:03 am

    I do completely agree with that you have written in this post. Most importantly, we need practice what we preach.

  13. October 16th, 2008 | 6:25 pm

    There’s a Russian film about how their first wave of billionaires (aka oligarchs) came to be. It’s titled Tycoon. It’s in Russian with subtitles and very dry. In other words, don’t rent it unless you are really, really, really interested in the subject.

  14. newyorker
    March 4th, 2009 | 6:49 pm

    1 in 500 million? Surely its closer to 1 in 50 million. Or perhaps, 1 in 5 million of those who really do take outrageous risks.

  15. Mr. Keith.A.Choice Jr.
    April 1st, 2009 | 7:24 pm

    If these steps is true i just want to learn about the financial risks, the plans, the steps, the whole nine yards on become a “succesful billionaire” Thank you all and for those that accomplish their plans may god bless them and for the ones thats following the steps like myself may god open the doors for our success.


    Mr. Keith.A.Choice

    may god bless all.

  16. May 7th, 2009 | 1:03 am

    Hi. I don’t know if this site is a joke or not but I liked it. I especially liked Rule #1 for Western World Vision. If you don’t take bigger risks then others you aren’t going to be different then anyone else. You surely can not make a billion dollars from just trading a normal account in average ways. Financial derivatives are a great way to increase cash faster.

    Anyway. Everyone is always saying I’m ridiculous with my outrageous plans. Tell me what you think:

    thanks, Paul

  17. March 30th, 2010 | 3:51 am

    The reading IS key. Mao, that arch-criminal, was a voracious reader. For him, the Long March was actually the Long Carry – he was borne along in a litter as he read yet more and got more ideas about how to dominate and exploit his fellow man. You don’t need a white cat and monocle for world domination, just a big bookshelf.

  18. March 30th, 2010 | 10:30 am

    While the rich can be very good for our economy, wealth hoarding is always detrimental. We need a vibrant and fluid middle class and upper middle “class” (not really a class in terms of structure). And the poor, who are “with us always” and are “rich in faith” -and that is, faith in God- are quite necessary. In the same book, the book of James (Jakob), a jewish book of the New Covenant, the Spirit castigates the rich, because they oppressed the poor. Their gold, He said, would canker. In terms of eternity gold does canker. Remember, in the days of your youth, your Creator, beause you’ve only got 70 years here to enjoy it even if you’re the Sultan of Bruni. I’ll choose poverty, thank you.

  19. March 30th, 2010 | 10:36 am

    Good read. I like that about reading 2-4 hours a day. I’m surprised the one simple thing wasn’t mentioned is that you MUST be in business for yourself.

  20. mark
    March 31st, 2010 | 3:13 pm

    Quickest way to become a billionaire is to start with two billion and let financial advisers invest it for you in the markets!