Love Markets: Putting Out Efficiency

by Johnny Debacle

Relationships as a whole would be improved if this was made clear that the relevant trade-off to not putting out or meeting your significant other’s needs is that the relationship has to be dissolved. Inertia and fear of change are powerful forces, so incentives should be contractually outlined to minimize their deleterious effects on your life. Most people dawdle or settle or both

To rectify these inefficiencies in the love market, we recommend contractually allowed cheating contingent upon putting out not happening enough. A requirement of some sort of formal notification and a cure period (30 days or so) would resolve fair warning obligations. Additionally, the contract would also provide (but not make mandatory the exercise of) the option for the counterparty to terminate the relationship upon the commencement of cheating. This ensures that there will be an adequate level of putting out or a faster resolution to the relationship — a veritable “win-win” situation for each side of the contract and also for society which would benefit from improved relationship velocity.

Problem Scenario Example: Bob loves to get it on. Bobette, Bob’s right hand, gets tired after only a few rounds and sometimes “she” just doesn’t “feel like it.” Normally, Bob and Bobette would stay together in a sexless and loveless relationship for months on end, until one or the other was “fed up.” This could take months, possibly even years if kids were to enter the picture. With a well drafted love contract, Bob could put Bobette on notice and the cure period would begin, allowing for Bobette to fulfill Bob’s needs. Were that not to take place in the given 30 days, Bob would be free to start seeing Bobetta, Bob’s left hand (Bob describes “her” as “like hooking up with someone else”), and/or Bobette would have the legal right to immediately terminate the relationship.

Recommendation: Long love contracts. There is nothing that a properly designed contract cannot improve, or at least make less worse. Not even love.

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