Love Markets: Mexican Woman Theory of Women

by Johnny Debacle

Highly controversial for racial and cultural reasons, and that’s likely the only reason why it’s unpublished in academia, the Mexican Woman Theory of Women suggests that once a woman locks a man down, things change dramatically, namely into a pear (Spanish Editor’s Note: pera en español, muchachos!). Women in such situations turn into pears, or at least change their shape to be more pearlike than before. My body of research canvassed all the women I have seen in my life who are Mexican, or whom my naivete and racial insensitivity suggested were Mexican, so they might not all technically be Mexican, but for all intents and purposes, I will consider them to be daughters of Mexico.

The evidence suggest that there is a startlingly high number of attractive Mexican women between the ages of 18 and 24 (seriously, they are really hot and seem awesome in every way and I have no way of accessing that market legally domestically). But there is also a huge amount of pear shaped not attractive Mexican women aged 27+.

Why the discrepancy? What happens? Simply put, women require manipulation (and incentives) too.

Recommendation: Keep them on their toes. Literally, it’s great exercise.

Related Reseach:

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  1. HelicalZz
    July 2nd, 2008 | 9:54 am

    Quick, invest in biodiesel derived from Mexican liposuction. Shame Charlton Heston isn’t around to promote it. IT’S PEOPLE, THE ANSWER TO THE FUEL PROBLEM IS PEOPLE.

  2. FuManChu
    July 2nd, 2008 | 10:57 am

    This is due to a well known acupuncture pressure point (known as the “Li Dian” in Chinese) that is located on a womans /digitus quartus/ just below the second knuckle. The result of long-term pressure on this point results in the slowing down of a female’s metabolism, and the deposition of fat around the hips.

    The tradition of Westerners to make their females wear rings on this point has confused Chinese men for decades.

  3. horn
    July 2nd, 2008 | 2:04 pm

    Don’t you mean 48 hours instead of 18-24?

  4. July 2nd, 2008 | 4:32 pm

    @ #3

    I see you’re peppering all the Finance blogs with your propoganda today…
    …btw anyone who wanted to know what Bill Gross (glad you got the spelling right this time) said

    a) already knows

    b) could just go to the pimco website

    c) could google it.

    You’re also at least a few days behind the curve covering Gross’ letter. Also, is the oxymoron in your website’s URL intentional or accidental?



  5. July 2nd, 2008 | 7:02 pm

    Wow Investing Speculator, you’re a huge fucking douchebag. We didn’t appreciate your comments at DealBreaker either. You’re a toolbox that copies and pastes news from Google Finance and you think you’re doing us a service.

    Echo everything Anal_yst said.

  6. Agnew McSpankypants
    July 2nd, 2008 | 9:05 pm

    Russian broads, especially the ones of peasant stock have the same tendency, only worse.

    I briefly dated a Russian girl in college. She was drunk, materialistic, psycho, and more importantly, hot.

    However, her mom looked like Benny Hill. There was no future in that relationship.

  7. Charlie McDanger
    July 3rd, 2008 | 1:15 am

    I found a sweet t-shirt design for these chicks in Vegas:

    And if you don’t like that link, scroll down the blog for some really fantastic Bill Gross material.

  8. July 3rd, 2008 | 3:35 am

    El posto classico, Senor Debacle. Muchas gracias, companero.

  9. JoeJim
    July 3rd, 2008 | 7:49 am

    Li Dian the retainer for Cao Cao? Yes perhaps I played too much RoTK as a young’un

  10. Strattie
    July 3rd, 2008 | 9:27 am

    @7 I support the peasant comment, so true!

    2 theories:

    “The 3 Kid Theory” – Across the board, Italians, Russians, latin, whatever, at 3 kids look like whales. Few exceptions but the probability is there.

    “The skinny teen to whale of an adult” – I think that one is self explanatory. A direct relationship: more skinny now, more fat later.

  11. girl
    July 3rd, 2008 | 11:45 am

    No fucking way strattie – So carrying a HUMAN around in one’s belly for 27 consecutive months causes unsightly weight gain? The nerve of these women!

    You deserve a nobel prize for scientific achievement.

  12. Strattie
    July 3rd, 2008 | 3:34 pm

    27 consecutive months? Is that even possible? We’re talking about a permanent gain of 50-100lbs, it’s more grotesque then unsightly.

    The other part that facilitated that conclusion was that not many people I know with 4-7 kids are large.

    This is not adjusted for income level as the people I know with more then 3 kids are in the 10% upper crust. I have observed a similar kid count in the very bottom of the income spectrum, but I guess they can’t afford food or just populating with assumptions of higher mortality rates.

  13. anonymous
    October 18th, 2009 | 1:50 pm

    I always wondered about the origin of the British expression “to go pear-shaped”. Mystery solved?