What will an Obama Presidency look like?

by Johnny Debacle

What will an Obama Presidency look like?

Black. No seriously, we elected an African American, and history suggests this has never happened before. Like most people though, history is wrong (Editor’s Note: although history is wrong slightly less often than herstory). There have in fact been many black presidents in America’s past. Our research indicates there is one who is a particularly strong comp to Barrack Hussein Obama. His name is David Palmer.

David Palmer was President for a single term in the early 2000’s, after a charismatic and effective campaign swept him into office. While he handled crises well with his unwavering leadership, his thoughtfulness, and his even-keeled temperament, the very fact that there were so many crises should give pause in any evaluation of his presidency’s quality.

Here is a partial list of what happened during Palmer’s Presidency:

  • He was ousted from his position via the 25th amendment during a nuclear bomb threat. He was subsequently reinstated.
  • His Chief of Staff, Vice President and other members of his staff were known to betray him and act in ways that could be construed as treasonous.
  • High-ranking advisor Lynn Kresge was pushed down a flight of stairs by the Chief of Staff.
  • There was a biological threat against the US launched by a Latin narcotics syndicate.
  • He divorced his wife, whom it was subsequently made clear was some sort of sophisticated criminal/political mastermind.
  • His brother was implicated in the killing of his married lover’s husband, also an important Palmer supporter.

I could go on, but I think you get the drift. It should be noted that Palmer ably guided the country through these crises, but one cannot escape the fact that some of them were wholly created by Palmer’s lack of good judgement about who he surrounded himself with. As Obama selects his staff, consider this precedent. Can we state, unequivocally, that Rahm Emmanuel is not somehow aligned with a crazy hawkish intragovernment syndicate with unclear objectives? Precedent says No. Can we feel comfortable that Michelle is not some backroom political power broker and/or criminal mastermind? Precedent says No.

We don’t know a lot more about Palmer’s presidency, including the quality of the economy, or the specific years, or why he was so often in Los Angeles, but at least we have some idea of what to expect. As an aside, after Palmer retired, he later went on to become an important senior advisor to the Government, and eventually the head of the top secret military unit, the Unit.

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  1. ab
    November 25th, 2008 | 11:55 am

    Don’t forget that when Palmer finally left government service he became a lobbyist for the insurance industry, banking on his reputation of keeping the citizenry in “Good Hands.”

  2. Johan
    November 25th, 2008 | 12:12 pm

    Very spot on. Let’s keep in mind that Rahm Emanuel is the brother of the real-life inspiration for Ari Gold in Entourage according to IMDB (http://www.imdb.com/name/nm1198089/bio).

  3. a
    November 25th, 2008 | 6:30 pm

    I think Palmer went slightly crazy after his term as he kept addressing an unknown person named Stan, e.g., “That’s Allstate, Stan.”

  4. Size
    November 25th, 2008 | 8:12 pm

    Whaaaat?! I thought that William Jefferson Clinton was our first black president!

  5. Matt
    November 25th, 2008 | 8:21 pm

    Noooo, you cannot screw up the story like that! The Chief of Staff DID NOT push her down the stairs! A security detail assigned by the chief of staff accidently pushed her down the stair trying to keep her from escaping from forcible confinement.

  6. November 25th, 2008 | 10:29 pm


    Michelle Obama, I have my eye on you you shady cooze you…

  7. To The Hilt
    November 26th, 2008 | 3:28 pm

    A few notes:

    Palmer was president for 3 days.

    He has trouble hitting a curve ball.

  8. TB
    November 28th, 2008 | 9:02 am

    Finally, someone has the cajones to bring the counterfactual smackdown on Obama, while the narrow-minded liberally-biased media only focuses on “the facts” and “things that actually happened”.

    We don’t know if Obama would have prevented the MLB playoffs becoming so stretched out, or, for that matter, prevented Canadians playing for the Stanley Cup in Florida in June.

    For the avoidance of doubt, we also don’t know if Michelle would have prevented these things either.

  9. Kid Dynamite
    November 28th, 2008 | 7:03 pm

    great post – i was going to get to a post about how Obama owes a lot to the 24 writers and President Palmer for getting America used to the idea of a Black president – you beat me to it.