Tales from My Internecine Struggle with the IT Department

by Johnny Debacle

I begin my descent to the 23rd floor. As I exit the elevator bay at my destination level, a colony of cubicles are laid out in front of me, perfectly aligned as if created by African honey bees. I scan the area and alight East, turning around a corner.

The monstrous IT guy remains motionless just ten feet away. Emotions give way to cognitive thought and I train my glare on him. Almost on cue, he begins his approach.

With blinding acceleration, he lurches onto me with a powerful “thud crackle”. He slams into my chest. The impact is incredibly powerful, knocking the wind out of me. His huge arms envelope my complete upper body and I can feel my non-iron shirt move as his beak grinds against it. The crackle and scratching of thousands of chitenous ring teeth against my suit is unmistakable. He withdraws back to 2 meter range and his huge bespectacled eyes begin to survey me for damage or weakness.

IT Guys Sleep Upright in Meticulously Crafted Vertical Beds

Behind him I can see dozens of man-sized IT fiends waiting to come at me but they don’t. Is it because he is so much larger? Is he the alpha dominant? He certainly has my full attention.

It is then that I notice his condition. His massive body is a map of pain and experiences. Scars cover his right side and most of his left arm is missing, possibly from being jigged by a rabid Hewlett-Packard or a lucky bite by a female he mated with. Due to his body marks, I call him ‘Scar’.

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  1. Bitchtern
    January 2nd, 2009 | 2:50 pm

    More of this. This is pure gold.