Save These Hot Boobs from Cancer

by Kaiser Edamame

On my way to work on Friday, I got off the subway and was approached by a hot chick wearing a pink ribbon. She claimed to be collecting money for “the fight against breast cancer.” It was the first time such a pretty girl had said the word “breast” to me and the gears inside of my mind started turning.

Tim Harford’s Undercover Economist column on Charity expanded the idea for me further:

In fact, the closer you look at charitable giving, the less charitable it appears to be. A recent experiment by John List, an economist at the University of Chicago, showed that donations are less than magnanimous after all. Using controlled trials to compare different methods of door-to-door fund-raising, professor List’s team discovered that it was much more important … to make sure that the fund-raisers were attractive white girls rather than a dowdier assortment of males and females representing all shapes, races, and sizes. This dramatically increased the average contribution, because many more men decided to give money.

This led me to realize these two things:

  • Breast cancer is a serious issue and warrants significant funding
  • The best people in the world at getting/raising/borrowing/stealing money are smoking hot chicks.

No.1 College Bball recruit Greg Oden is pictured being convinced of the importance of fighting breast cancer Why not combine the indisputable nature of these two truths into a money tree for a good cause? My campaign is called “Save These Hot Boobs from Cancer” and it involves beautiful women with big hearts and bigger breasts appealing to the love all guys have for a great pair of tatas. Let’s pretend you’re walking on the street and a well-endowed blonde with a big smile says to you: “Statistically speaking my perky boobs have a 35% chance of being ruined by a malignant tumor, would you please contribute to the fight against breast cancer?” If you don’t give money to that girl then you probably don’t have a conscience.

Chartible organizations need to penetrate the industry leaders in solicitation — beautiful women. A first mover will have an enormous market opportunity.

Let’s do a little math:

  • Incoming earning males in the western world = 1 Bn
  • Percent of income earning males who would give money to a babe for a good cause = 100%
  • Average donation per income earning male when approached by a “Save these hot boobs from cancer” representative = $20
  • Fund raising potential = (1 Bn) x (100%) x ($20) x (% of incoming males approached).

If we can reach even 50% penetration we can raise over $10bn to fund research on hot boobs cancer. As noted above, these estimates are empirically proven using math and advanced probability techniques. With so much money thrown at the problem, the only remaining issue is what all these hot chicks are going to do a year from now when we announce we’ve found a cure.

Related Reseach:

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  1. harvey
    October 18th, 2006 | 12:32 pm

    did you ever notice all pharmaceutical salespeople are hot chicks??? selling their product to doctors (males)???


    i think they’re already onto your strategy.

  2. jc
    October 18th, 2006 | 2:19 pm

    “This led me to realize these two things:

    * Breast cancer is a serious issue and warrants significant funding
    * The best people in the world at getting/raising/borrowing/stealing money are smoking hot chicks.”

    Dude, you needed Hartford’s column to realize the latter??

  3. Mr Juggles
    October 18th, 2006 | 3:26 pm

    He realize that he realized it. That’s what he realized.

  4. jc
    October 18th, 2006 | 3:34 pm

    OH, was that realization pre-tax?


  5. The Corner
    October 18th, 2006 | 4:46 pm

    I’m with JC, I think he depreciates the schrewd comments.

  6. Mr Juggles
    October 18th, 2006 | 5:48 pm

    Depreciates? Or does not appreciate? And what are the tax consequences of the latter?

  7. Coop
    October 18th, 2006 | 6:00 pm

    Your calculations for expected charitable donations for boobs looks a lot like’s business plan:
    (% of people who like pets)*(people in world)*(price of pets)-(costs per pet)= EBITDA
    (100%)*(~6 Bn)*($500)-($0)= $3 Tn
    Therefore EBITDA (Earnings Before realistic Information is Taken into account to Determine Actual earnings potential)= $3 Tn/yr.
    With an expected downturn starting in December, 2489

  8. October 19th, 2006 | 3:10 am

    Coop you get it. Adsense linked us to Estee Lauder’s pink ribbon drive. Save These Hot Boobs From Cancer is off to an incredible start.

  9. Wilbur Nastase
    October 21st, 2006 | 3:32 pm

    Coop, Kaiser’s plan does look superficially like’s old business model.

    However, didn’t plan their business around smokin’ hot babes with big juicy boobies.

    That omission probably led to their downfal.

  10. Billy Sparks
    October 24th, 2006 | 2:28 pm

    When said hot chick wants money to save her boobs, should I not get to see what I am saving?

    On much the same thought, why not raise funds in strip clubs. After all, if I am willing to pay to see them, I will most likely also want to pay to save them from harm.

  11. October 24th, 2006 | 5:53 pm

    That sounds like a great charity event. Think of all the good that could come from something like that. You sir are an honorable man who cares about the greater good.

  12. Ken
    December 25th, 2006 | 11:03 pm

    If the charity drive is to “save these hot boobs,” something I am all for, how can we be sure that our charitable donations will be properly appropriated? In other words, is there any way to guarantee that we won’t be saving any ugly boobs in the process? While a drive to save hot boobs will pay large dividends in the future, saving saggy, wrinkly, misshapen, or generally unappealing boobs will have a negative impact on the future stock of this resource. I would only be willing to donate to this charity if I knew for certain that they had a strong, independent, and reliable oversite board. And I would like to submit my resume…

  13. Shima
    May 22nd, 2007 | 3:20 pm

    I lost my mum to breast cancer just 2 months ago. these have been the most gruelling years knowing however it was my mum who kept us positive. a complete reverse. She worked to the very end working with various groups, hospices and knew quite a lot about alternative therapy. she was a fighter and extended her life for a further two years. My mum was one in a million.

    If you would like to help me and our mums, daughters,sisters,grandmums.. Then visit my webpage

    I have done this for the last 3 years.

    Thanks in advance for visiting my webpage and any donations. You have just made a difference in someone’s life big or small!

    ” Prevention is better than the Cure. ”
    ” Health is Wealth. “

  14. FPF422
    May 23rd, 2007 | 2:46 am

    People don’t realize that breast cancer affects also a big issue with the male population.

  15. August 14th, 2007 | 8:43 pm

    In the link above (again: ) it seems there’s a foundation that’s one step ahead of you.

  16. August 15th, 2007 | 9:52 am

    Or 3 months behind

  17. September 7th, 2007 | 7:52 pm

    “If you don’t give money to that girl then you probably don’t have a conscience.”

    Tell me you wrote most of that sentence, including perhaps the first two letters of the last word, BEFORE you were quite sure how you were going to end it.

  18. RR
    November 26th, 2007 | 10:22 am

    Cervical cancer anyone?