Melissa Moody’s Ratings Alternative Alert: OMG OMG OMG

by Melissa Moody

Lehman (NYSE: LEH)
Washington Mutual (NYSE: WM)

Previous Rating LEH: BFFLAF
New Rating LEH: ?

Previous Rating WM: BFFLAF
New Rating WM: ?

Has anyone seen Lehman (NYSE: LEH) or WaMu (NYSE: WM)??? I am so worried about my girls, I can’t find them anywhere and they are not picking up their cell. So the backstory is that we are all out last night drinking at Normal & Unwealthy’s, the girls’ goto bar. Us girls were dancing up a storm, letting our hair down and getting our freak on!

Well Lehman and WaMU, when they get a little drunk and are in front of guys, they get into kissing each other a little. Totally not for attention!!! They do it because sometimes it’s nice to kiss a girl and they both think each other are so beautiful and they are!! They are so crazy and original, I don’t know why none of their relationships seem to last!!

Anyways, next thing I know, some really old guy (he must have been at least like 30 or even more ancient!?!) with a shaved head and glasses is behind them and grinding them both. He was in a suit and moved like Frankenstein and looked totally out of place, when a popped collar or three is all he really needed. It was also weird because I’ve never seen him around them before but he used to hang with this other girl Goldman, who is a slut and a whore but very rich. But that was like years ago!!!

So, like, this guy, he’s grinding them and they are both a little out of it at this point, and when I like come back from a trip to the bathroom, they aren’t there!!! Please if anyone has seen my friends Lehman or WaMu or knows what happened to them, text me, Melissa Moody, and let me know what happened to them. I’m so worried!!!!

Ratings Methodology:
Hey everyone! It’s me, Melissa Moody…not that other Moody’s you have been reading about. Actually that’s why I’m here I’m just so sick and tired of that other Moody’s! Their ratings stink, and they don’t know nearly as much as I do about debt, it’s true, I’m maxed out on 4 out of 7 credit cards I know I have a problem but I just can’t stop,ha ha. I can do a better job than Moody’s and that is what I’m gonna do! And let’s face it, their old ratings were too complicated. I mean Aa3, Baa1, Caa2, B1 who knows what that means? My ratings will be simple:

  • BFFAE (Best Friends Forever and Ever)
  • BFF
  • BFFLAF (Best Friends For Like Almost Forever)
  • BFFBAS (Best Friends Forever But Also a Slut)
  • BFFBIHH (Best Friends Forever But I Hate Her)
  • Whore

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  1. jegan
    September 11th, 2008 | 1:04 pm

    beautifully done

  2. Size
    September 11th, 2008 | 2:45 pm

    I’m pretty sure I saw that same perv grinding my friend, Taxpayer.

  3. September 11th, 2008 | 4:23 pm

    @ size

    I saw him and that other dude Rohyp Nol double-teaming ’em, it was tough to watch, but like a trainwreck I couldn’t stop staring ahhhh

  4. JCauto
    September 12th, 2008 | 6:48 am

    This is the best series you guys have going on (and that’s saying a lot). The public screams for more!

  5. Strattie
    September 12th, 2008 | 6:04 pm

    On that note, I’m going to Jersey…

  6. September 14th, 2008 | 9:07 pm

    omg omg omg Bank of Merrillwide?

    Lehman Brothers = Fail minus


  7. JCauto
    September 15th, 2008 | 9:42 pm

    Welp, we found LEH, Melissa. It’s not good.

  8. Theoretical
    September 16th, 2008 | 12:12 pm

    Yeah, I’m gonna have to recommend a downgrade for LEH from “BFFLAF” to “Whore with at least 4 STD’s”

  9. The Paleofish
    September 16th, 2008 | 10:39 pm

    Hey Melissa, your girl AIG apparently has maxed out all her cards as well – she’s paying LIBOR plus 850 BPs on her new shiny FRBNY Black card with the $85 billion limit.

  10. September 18th, 2008 | 11:53 pm

    If only LEH and WM came from money like those rich snobs Freddie Mayflower and Fannie McWhifferson. They’d be back at the club the next day …