Spitzer in a Ring of Pictures

by Johnny Debacle

Good afternoon.

As some of you may know, I’m Eliot Spitzer, and I’m a big deal in this city, the fine city of New York. I’m also a big deal in the state that bears the same name. Let me first state that I will not address whether the smirk on my face is or is not, depending on what the definition of “is” is”, related to anything going on below your viewline at the podium.

As you can see from my hand gesture, I was involved in a prostitution ring. No this is not how I actually got “involved with” the prostitution ring nor how I held my…gavel.

Regardless of whether I was merely a participant, the ring-leader or a prostitute, I hope that you, the public, will not let this stand in the way of my role of making New York the best state in the union. I hope to assuage any fears or concerns as to my involvement by giving you the facts of the matter.

Let’s get to it.

This is how big I was…to the prostitution ring. Yes I was closing down other prostitution rings while frequenting this prostituion ring, but I assure you this is normal for attorney generals. It’s standard operating procedure.

This woman was in the ring. Julia’s a university student who the Emperor Club rated as “three diamonds” out of “six diamonds.” Great girl.

This woman was not in the ring.

This woman was definitely not in the ring. I fuckin’ swear it.

For a fee, they’d let you touch it.

For a larger fee, they’d let you juggle it. Sometimes a motor-boat would be included gratis.

This was one of my favorite positions. As you can see, you have a lot of control and a full view of the landscape. Sometimes I’d lay a little slap on either side, firm but fair, just to let them know who the law was. This cost $5,500 per hour.

Uhh, so uhh as you can, uhh no big deal, uhh right, hahahah…ha…ha?

My wife is staring at me, isn’t she. Who brought HER here?

Hmmmmm.

(Eliot, you must think of a plan to save your job)

If children still endorse me, sweet adorable innocent children, then I clearly cannot be so bad. Clearly.

You told me that would work. Asshole.

Uhhh…..

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POSTED: 03/10/08 2:12 PM
Comment (264)


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Comments

  1. JCauto
    March 10th, 2008 | 2:34 pm

    Wow. A quicker and more thorough update than either CNN or the NYT. I am long this website for latebreaking news from now on.

  2. Vedt
    March 10th, 2008 | 3:26 pm

    Fabulous. Great. Excellent. Nice work.

  3. Aspiring Mini-Baller
    March 10th, 2008 | 3:36 pm

    Oh man. This is ridiculous. “This woman was not in the ring.” That got me laughing out loud. A matter of fact I can’t stop laughing.

  4. Anal_yst
    March 10th, 2008 | 4:56 pm

    This is amazing work Debacle. The stuff that Pulitzers are made of.

  5. Mark
    March 10th, 2008 | 7:21 pm

    This is hilarious…

  6. poseidon
    March 10th, 2008 | 7:41 pm

    Good show. You have to include the picture of him standing there owning up to his mess today trying to eat the balance of his chin with his wife standing next to him thinking “this prick was banging a hooker on the side”. Well, at leat it was a $5500 hooker………. Cheers

  7. Inquisitor
    March 10th, 2008 | 10:35 pm

    LOL! I swear Spitzer was the prostitute!

  8. Favela Cranshaw
    March 11th, 2008 | 1:29 am

    He said he violated his own standards. How do you do that? If they can be violated, they don’t exist.

  9. Richard Roma
    March 11th, 2008 | 2:17 am

    Where can we buy the “Free Eliot S.” buttons? Shurley he was working undercover to get at the bare facts of this issue.

  10. Cesqy
    March 11th, 2008 | 3:06 am

    Please resign Eliot and save us the pain of a repeat of Slick Willy’s impeachment.

    Power tends to corrupt; absolute power corrupts absolutely. -Lord Acton.

  11. ike
    March 11th, 2008 | 6:46 am

    Show the broad or bbroads worth all the money and trouble.He learned from those He prosecuted how to move money and get busted//

  12. To The Hilt
    March 11th, 2008 | 8:55 am

    How did I miss this yesterday?

    Awesome.

  13. WTF Jr.
    March 11th, 2008 | 10:25 am

    Go sin no more!

  14. E Spritzer
    March 11th, 2008 | 11:38 am

    Very nice work – top drawer stuff…

  15. Size
    March 11th, 2008 | 1:18 pm

    This is like Christmas. I want to send Grasso champaign.

  16. Rumack
    March 11th, 2008 | 2:21 pm

    RR: He was working undercover… and don’t call me Shirley.

  17. Peter
    March 12th, 2008 | 7:43 am

    If it’s discovered that damn bi**h Nellie Kroes (EU Commisioner “”for”” “Competition”) was the hooker (unlikely since it was told that Eliot’s was good looking) the day is saved.

  18. Size
    March 12th, 2008 | 2:38 pm

    with Spitzer’s resignation, New York literally becomes a state where the blind lead the dumb!

  19. Smoke
    March 13th, 2008 | 8:56 am

    short spitzer, long kristin for the next six months…then outright long kristin after that…looking for a playboy spread and a biography in the next year or so…

    spitzer will be a scoop at some point, but he’ll underperform in the short term