The Perfect Storm of Perfect Storms

by Mr Juggles

Dear Subscriberholders,

You may be aware that something is “going on” in the markets. That something is that we squandered all your potential dividends due to what can only be described as The Perfect Storm of Perfect Storms. We’re sorry. We thank you for having faith in us, and our models indicate that if it were not for The Perfect Storm of Perfect Storms, then we would have returned to you 30% per annum, so you should feel confident that you made the right decision according to invest with us according to our models and also to our models.

Now, many of you may be saying “Aren’t you savvy investment professionals, shouldn’t you have, y’know, know better.”

To that we say, “Yes, but also no.” In “The Perfect Storm”, George Clooney captains a ship that catches tuna or red snapper or whatever, and he can make lots of money in a short time doing it. But if George Clooney, George Clooney’s brooding good looks, and George Clooney’s amazing hair, are unable to return a single Gloucesterman to shore in the face of just a single The Perfect Storm (spoiler alert they all die), what hope is there for Long or Short Capital Management in not destroying all subscriberholder value in the face of The Perfect Storm of Perfect Storms?

What hope indeed,
Long or Short Capital Managment

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  1. Jaceman
    October 9th, 2008 | 9:51 pm

    Maybe your slogan should be give us your money so we can think we know more than you.

  2. Hans Moleman
    October 10th, 2008 | 12:07 am

    Indeed. This was totally unforeseeable. Just as it was in 1819, 1837, 1857, 1873, 1893, 1901, 1907, 1929, 1946, 1961, 1968, 1973, 1980, 1987, and 2000 (excuse me if I missed any).

    The good news is the latest TIME cover, in accordance with the “TIME Barron’s investing thesis”, tells us that the bottom is in (to the nearest 10% or so).

  3. To The Hilt
    October 10th, 2008 | 10:08 am

    I forgive you.

  4. Theoretical
    October 10th, 2008 | 1:05 pm

    Since we invested to your models, can we at least get, as a substitute for the dividend, pictures of these models? It would still be a better return than the rest of the market….

  5. October 10th, 2008 | 3:29 pm

    @ Hans/Juggles

    Per the link Hans posted above, back in 2006, we have this genius:

    “Other positions gleaned from Barron’s are to be long muni’s and short companies with sub-prime lending exposure.”

    Long Long or Short Capital.


  6. October 10th, 2008 | 4:23 pm

    Wow, I don’t even know what to say. We are even MORE amazing than we previously believed.