Hungry Hungry Americans

by Johnny Debacle

In this troubling article, Struggling in Ohio as the Economy Tightens, the tightening of the America economy is played against a background of the tightening of the belt of many poor Americans (not us, we are very rich). This picture and caption were included.

I do not think that means what you think it means

Angelica Hernandez (left) and her mother, Gloria Nunez, struggle to make ends meet on a very limited budget.

Althought not discussed in the article above, formerly the bare minimum daily diet of an America in the USA was some combination of this (or regional or seasonal substitutes):

  • 30 shrimp
  • 1 extra-large meat lover’s pizza
  • 25 cool ranch fun-size Dorito packages
  • 1 Mountain Dew Slurpee
  • 1 Cherry Slurpee
  • Porterhouse for Two from Ruth’s Chris
  • 75 eggs
  • 1 lettuce plant
  • 1 lb of candy corn
  • Cheetos (a quantity sufficient to stain your tongue and fingers orange permanently)
  • 3lbs of lobster
  • 1 diet coke

This allowed America to be healthy, productive and as happy as the Danes. But not anymore. With the recent surge in food prices, many poor Americans are being forced to the face the nightmare of only being able to survive on a diet consisting of such things as

  • Rocks
  • Polonium
  • The Stuff from the movie The Stuff
  • Toxic Chemicals
  • Other poor Americans

Recommendation: Of these the last is looking to be the most delicious. Two birds can be killed with one stone were poor Americans to eat one another and if you do the math between the cost of food and the quantity of calories needed to sustain poor Americans, it seems inevitable. This shift in consumption would have a deflationary effect on food prices, effectively eliminating the marginal pressure that poor Americans place on demand, because these poor Americans will already have eaten or been eaten (as it should be in nature). In our analysis, this would lead to a simultaneous gap up in the prices people pay for poor Americans, especially when the market fully factors in how fatty, tender and delicious this meat is.

The play here is to start buying distressed poor American assets and forming farms, ranches or even islands dedicating to housing them and fattening them on low cost / calorie inputs like McDonald’s (NYSE: MCD) dollar menu and corn syrup IVs. Long poor Americans.

HT to Amanda

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Comments

  1. Strattie
    July 28th, 2008 | 2:04 pm

    Gross, I think I just threw up, just a little bit, in my mouth when I saw that picture. At what point is it considered whale hunting?

    I can’t believe someone poked her to produce that offspring. All the giggles! I can’t imagine anyone enjoying that, no matter how desperate.

  2. JCauto
    July 28th, 2008 | 4:32 pm

    This update made my day

  3. July 28th, 2008 | 4:33 pm

    “Nunez, 40, has never worked and has no high school degree. She says a car accident 17 years ago left her depressed and disabled, incapable of getting a job.”

    The sympathy well just ran dry…

  4. JCauto
    July 28th, 2008 | 4:33 pm

    Hey Strattie if you’re not going to eat that throw up I know someone who may

  5. yubi
    July 28th, 2008 | 4:43 pm

    “Nunez, 40, has never worked and has no high school degree. She says a car accident 17 years ago left her depressed and disabled, incapable of getting a job.”

    meaning she had never worked a day in her life at 23. ridic!!!!!!!!!!! was NPR trying to be funny? they MUST have been. I think they did this on purpose.

  6. A.J.
    July 28th, 2008 | 9:56 pm

    Corn too expensive? Turn these two into ethanol.

  7. July 29th, 2008 | 12:20 am

    These two represent everything, EVERYTHING that is wrong with America.

    All 17 metric tonnes of it.

    Long crane manufacturers (esp of the gantry type)

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Crane_(machine)#Manufacturers

  8. w
    July 29th, 2008 | 8:30 am

    I can only hope that you and the other asses mocking the poor in America one day find your selves in a similar (or worse) position. All of you are what is wrong with America and the world. Having money does not make you superior; only arrogant.

  9. Strattie
    July 29th, 2008 | 9:11 am

    w, I’m sorry, I really really feel bad, you converted me. I’m going to go out and buy every bum in Philly an Arch Card or the Baconator SuperSized Combo meal. Maybe fried chicken on biscuit for breakfast will give them some nutritional value? All that butter/shortening and sodium and flour and oil. And at $4 a pop it’s a fantastic investment.

    Why in the world do they call us the fattest city in the union… I can’t figure out for the life of me…

    How did I survive on $20 a week/7 days in college and was buff? Oh wait, I didn’t buy crap like tipple fried chicken or cheese steaks or the 42 oz sodas every day of the week 3 times a day, I ate healthy and cooked good food.

  10. Wael
    July 29th, 2008 | 10:49 am

    Very Jonathan Swift of you…

  11. girl
    July 29th, 2008 | 11:03 am

    @ W

    I wavered between disgust (like the posters above) and sympathy to the general plight of being poor (as I suppose you’re getting at), but in the end, I really couldn’t dredge up sympathy for those who are unwilling to work and who instead exploit the system by having children in order to receive increased govt. funding. This shows no regard for the next generation being brought into poverty, and only serves to perpetuate the problem.

    BTW I consider myself extremely apathetic; nonetheless by the age of 23 I’d held about 4 jobs, all by choice. This kind of sloth is, in my opinion, rather despicable.

  12. July 29th, 2008 | 11:38 am

    The article points out that the 19yo girl has held several jobs but finding new ones are tough; she also objects to the recommendation of friends that she get pregnant. The mom is the one who got in a car accident 17 years ago and hasn’t worked since.

    I was really focused on the irony of the caption with that photo, whichever from wherever you look is ironic. And for those ready to snipe with a definition of Irony and how that’s not actually Ironic, I’ll point you to:

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Irony

    “In modern usage it can also refer to particularly striking examples of incongruities observed in everyday life between what was intended or said and what actually happened.”

    Language is about usage, not hard literal rules.

    One example of such a change is that poor in the Western World 1000 years ago would have connotations of being skinny, starving, gaunt and obesity was associated with wealth and status. Now the conntations are likely the opposite, especially in America.

    Tune in next week when I deconstruct every joke ever made and in so doing, make them infinitely more hilarious.

  13. July 29th, 2008 | 11:53 am

    Johnny,

    I understand that having read the article. Nonetheless I think most people take issue with the combined onslaught of the mother’s a) indifference toward pursuing a highschool education, b) aversion to employment, and c) willingness to bring a child into the world who she was fully aware would suffer on account of her poor choices.

  14. Joe SixPack
    July 29th, 2008 | 12:01 pm

    @ W
    1.Sarcasm buddy, sarcasm.
    2.I don’t disdain “poor” people simply because they have little or no money. I have many “poor” friends who are decent, hardworking and honest people. I detest people who are lazy, undisciplined and “never worked and has no high school degree. She says a car accident 17 years ago left her depressed and disabled, incapable of getting a job.” If you think these people don’t exist you have been living under a rock. I think girl has it correct.
    3. Having money does not automatically give you the attribute of being arrogant. I think maybe someone is arrogant through an over developed sense of self-righteousness.
    Subprimely Yours, Joe

  15. Wael
    July 29th, 2008 | 12:07 pm

    @ girl

    Leave out the over-simplification. I doubt very much that the decision to have a child was going to be made based purely on the “raise” that the taxpayers would provide (this is a news article, not a whitepaper on the psychology of poor Americans)… and if the windfall bonus afforded the Nunez family from the addition of a little Nunezette was the motivation, then I’d be much more willing to subsidize the upbringing of said child (free, state-funded education, health care, etc) rather than encouraging banks to adopt ever riskier behaviour with bail-outs.

    Holla @ Keynes.

  16. Wael
    July 29th, 2008 | 12:22 pm

    How can a mini-baller help out here? I would say “direct food subsidies” (read: taking hoodie rats out to dinner) but that doesn’t seem like a very mb outcome.

  17. Size
    July 29th, 2008 | 12:44 pm

    @W

    Uh, how do I put this? I used to live in the ghetto and I was “a poor American” – living below the poverty line until my mid-twenties, having lived on my own since before graduating high school. I paid for everything – including college – myself by working three jobs while going to school and never accepted welfare. I spent the whole of the early part of my life listening to the whining and excuses of the likes of these two GIANT space wasters. When the excuse was “my parents have no money for college”, I suggested they could follow my example and pay for college themselves. The response was quick: “But then I’d have to work my ass of like you!” I hate to tell ya’ this but the fact that I now have money is a testament to my superiority, sparky. In fact, few people are not superior to these two ENORMOUS, useless lumps of lard. My bet is you’ve never been poor or truly known anyone poor, so you’re just massaging your own ego by defending destructive behaviour.

  18. Strattie
    July 29th, 2008 | 12:52 pm

    @Size

    I <3 U!

  19. PBateman
    July 29th, 2008 | 1:24 pm

    SOYLENT GREEN IS PEOPLE!

  20. w
    July 29th, 2008 | 2:03 pm

    Size,

    In fact, I have been poor. I too went through college, and without a penny of federal or state help. And I feed myself on $2 per week. I sent my children through college without any financial aid. I worked since I was a teenager — in factories, in warehouses and finally in a professional capacity. No one handed me anything. But I never forgot where I came from. And I think attitudes like yours are contemptible. So many here are invading these unfortunate women’s private lives; mocking their weight and wondering how they can be “hungry”. Some of you people seem to equate physical size with “sloth” and “laziness”. This crowd is even questioning that depression is a real disease. What ignorance! Want to see real character flaws? Try looking in the mirror. I do every day and find enough to discourage me from directing my bigotry at others who are in no position to defend themselves.

  21. w
    July 29th, 2008 | 2:03 pm

    Size,

    In fact, I have been poor. I too went through college, and without a penny of federal or state help. And I fed myself on $2 per week. I sent my children through college without any financial aid. I worked since I was a teenager — in factories, in warehouses and finally in a professional capacity. No one handed me anything. But I never forgot where I came from. And I think attitudes like yours are contemptible. So many here are invading these unfortunate women’s private lives; mocking their weight and wondering how they can be “hungry”. Some of you people seem to equate physical size with “sloth” and “laziness”. This crowd is even questioning that depression is a real disease. What ignorance! Want to see real character flaws? Try looking in the mirror. I do every day and find enough to discourage me from directing my bigotry at others who are in no position to defend themselves.

  22. w
    July 29th, 2008 | 2:05 pm

    Size,

    In fact, I have been poor. I too went through college, and without a penny of federal or state aid. And I fed myself on $2 per week. I sent my children through college without any financial aid. I worked since I was a teenager — in factories, in warehouses and finally in a professional capacity. No one handed me anything. But I never forgot where I came from. And I think attitudes like yours are contemptible. So many here are invading these unfortunate women’s private lives; mocking their weight and wondering how they can be “hungry”. Some of you people seem to equate physical size with “sloth” and “laziness”. This crowd is even questioning that depression is a real disease. What ignorance! Want to see real character flaws? Try looking in the mirror. I do every day and find enough to discourage me from directing my bigotry at others who are in no position to defend themselves.

  23. JCauto
    July 29th, 2008 | 2:21 pm

    W,

    It should be obvious that we are not making fun of these people for being poor. We are mocking the lack of any dedication on their part to better their lives. You yourself claim to have pulled yourself up by the bootstraps, why then do you insist on defending these obviously lazy leeches?

    In this very article, she states that her father worked at GM for 45 years and was therefore able to have a large family live comfortably in middle class. Yet Ms. Nunez is massively obese, eating and living on the productive taxpayer’s dime, all the while bemoaning the fact that she is so massively disabled and depressed from a car accident 17 years ago that she can’t work.

    Puh-fucking-leez.

    She’s standing up in the picture, supporting what is probably 450 pounds of wobbly flesh. That in an of itself means that she has the physical wherewithal to make burgers or greet people at Wal-Mart. The fact that she lacks the commitment and self-respect necessary to finish high school is plenty indicative of her worth as a human being and citizen of this country.

    Her daughter is only slightly less pathetic, and I’m sure her self esteem and sense of personal responsibility is beaten down daily in her constant exsposure to her mother’s incredibily twisted views on life.

    If these people want to improve their lives, they need to take the necessary steps. My recommendation is to buy a damn bicycle and bike to work. That would be an improvement in their lives on a couple of levels.

  24. To The Hilt
    July 29th, 2008 | 6:35 pm

    This was the best article in a long time.

    Laughing my ass off. Not because they’re poor, but because they’re fat.

    I was fat too once, but then I put myself through fat camp on $0 per week (I call not eating “fat camp”), which is ironic. Why is it ironic? Because I said it was ironic, and if that’s not good enough for you, hen I’ll add “don’t you think?” because that seemed to work for Alanis Morrisette.

    And don’t call us bigots. We all voted for Obama. As far as you know.

  25. July 30th, 2008 | 12:21 am

    @ Everyone who makes sense here (you know who you are):

    The problem with trying to explain what we’re saying here to this “W” character is because this individual is clearly an idiot, of one variety or another.

    As we all know by now, the problem with arguing with idiots is that they drag yourself down to their level and then beat you with experience.

    Sorry, W, but not only have you picked what is arguably the worst place to pitch your nonsense in all of teh internets, but you refuse to listen to any of our superior reason, which doesn’t help your case in the slightest.

  26. July 30th, 2008 | 12:35 am

    It’s worse. The original headline on NPR was about how they couldn’t afford meat. They changed the headline after we mocked them.

  27. HAM05
    July 30th, 2008 | 11:57 am

    i cant wait till obama gets elected and slims these two down while getting them high paying jobs and annointing them with a sense of self worth while bequething them a puppy to help with depression and teaching them social responsibility. YES WE CAN!!

    on another note, long your commentary. have you considered putting together a monthly ‘watch list’ of credits/people that offers internal ratings and an outlook? id read that. my clients would prob appreciate it too.

  28. July 30th, 2008 | 12:45 pm

    My mom always told me; “it is just as easy to eat a rich person as a poor one.” (This is not strictly true, of course, but it is close. Getting past the bodyguards of a typical rich mortgage banker would be a small challenge, but no harder than rendering a two ton homeless vet.)

    I think your logic is incorrect if you suppose that the poor will eat other poor when there are all those tastey (“tasteful”?) CFA’s running around. Besides the health benefits of lean meat, we know for a fact that 65% of them will be easy to take down.

    The only real danger is that they might be unemployed and armed, or in grad school, which is basically the same thing.

  29. Strattie
    July 30th, 2008 | 1:23 pm

    @ HAM

    You mean like Stella Awards?

  30. Size
    July 30th, 2008 | 5:20 pm

    W is right. Depression is a real disease. A real convenient disease. I once fell off my bike and I’ve been stricken with bouts of depression ever since. I can’t work, I can’t sleep, I can’t even think about getting off the couch. All I am capable of is mastication and dispensing advice on how to increase my daughter’s welfare benefits. Where do I sign up for the government cheese?

  31. jagorev
    July 31st, 2008 | 10:51 am

    The original article of that NPR piece was something like “For many poor Ohioans, eating meat is out of reach”. I could not stop laughing when I saw that headline juxtaposed with the picture.

  32. Ang
    July 31st, 2008 | 2:16 pm

    I heard this segment on NPR the other day. At the end of it found myself laughing.

    Seeing this picture confirms I am not an evil person.