Carson Daly’s Prime Directives

by Johnny Debacle

Carson Daly was developed by a secret cabal of corporate interests as a response to worsening corporate conditions in America in the 1970’s. He was the first corporate interest enforcement droid created by this cabal and he operates under a programming rule set called “the Prime Directives” as follows:

  1. Serve the corporate trust
  2. Protect the public from thinking
  3. Uphold corporate interests
  4. Never oppose a media company officer (any attempt to arrest a media company rep results in automatic Carson Daly shutdown)
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