Carson Daly’s Prime Directives

by Johnny Debacle

Carson Daly was developed by a secret cabal of corporate interests as a response to worsening corporate conditions in America in the 1970’s. He was the first corporate interest enforcement droid created by this cabal and he operates under a programming rule set called “the Prime Directives” as follows:

  1. Serve the corporate trust
  2. Protect the public from thinking
  3. Uphold corporate interests
  4. Never oppose a media company officer (any attempt to arrest a media company rep results in automatic Carson Daly shutdown)
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POSTED: 01/5/07 10:35 AM
Comment (21)


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Comments

  1. Savid Daunders
    January 5th, 2007 | 10:43 am

    It’s funny ’cause it’s true.

  2. The Dryer
    January 5th, 2007 | 11:55 am

    Do you suppose he also has a subversive mission to eliminate corporate enemies by luring them to his TRLair for mind erasing and reprogramming?

  3. Drinky McDiligence
    January 5th, 2007 | 1:02 pm

    I don’t think too many of his corporate enemies are 16 year old screaming girls.

  4. The Dryer
    January 5th, 2007 | 1:21 pm

    Was referring more to the guests on TRLair than his audience minions there Drinky.

  5. Mr Juggles
    January 5th, 2007 | 4:44 pm

    The Dryer–

    This may be one of his supplemental directives, so far we only are certain about his Prime Directives. I would love to mind erase a 16 year old screaming girl as long as she 18.

  6. Murphy
    January 7th, 2007 | 10:26 pm

    Dick Jones is wanted for murder.