Long the Sense of Humor of Big Pharma

by Johnny Debacle

I feel fine NO NOW I FEEL CRAZY AND ANXIOUSWellbutrin is an antidepressant prescribed to people who are depressed. Normal run-of-the mill stuff. But Wellbutrin is also a source of endless amusement for the pharmaceutical engineers who created it. These guys went way long humor. Most drugs have side effects such as nausea, loss of appetite, loss of sexual appetite, etc, but it’s a trade-off that is usually worth it. Wellbutrin’s side effects are…that it can cause anxiety and panic attacks. PANIC ATTACKS.

The production meeting must have gone something like this:

Pharma 1: God, work is so stressful here sometimes. We develop great ideas and then we have to subject to a time-extensive testing, FDA regulatory approval, my god, I can’t take it anymore.
Pharma 2: Sounds like you need to blow off some steam good buddy.
Pharma 1: But how?
Pharma 2: Me and the boys, the other pharmaceutical engineers, every once in awhile we have ourselves a little bit of fun. We use spectroanalysis, chromatographic distillation and other processes to create a drug that cures a condition, say hair loss, for most people. I stress the most people because in a certain random group of people, the drug actually serves to aggressively exacerbate the condition, in this case by causing the complete death of all the hair follicles on the body. It’s like roulette with people, just spin the pill and see where it lands.
Pharma 1: What about a drug that can soften depression, but in a certain subset of people will spur an increase in anxiety and a higher likelihood of panic attacks?
Pharma 2: Now you’re thinking like a pharmaceutical engineer!
*Pharmaceutical Engineer high-five (like a normal high-five, but more awkward, and while wearing funny suits)*

Recommendation: Long practical jokes, especially when they are in the form of an anti-depression pill. Short people who can’t appreciate jokes and/or who are crazy.

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  1. GMC
    April 17th, 2008 | 3:40 pm

    Is that the really the pill? Or is this some sort of pracitical joke?

  2. GMC
    April 17th, 2008 | 3:41 pm

    Is that really the pill? Or is this some sort of pracitical joke?

  3. Sir Charge
    April 18th, 2008 | 9:16 am

    Yet another argument for mainlining heroin.

  4. Jeremy
    April 18th, 2008 | 10:19 am

    I beleive Wellbutrin is mostly only prescribed for smoking cessation and as short-term anti-depressent at this point, probably due to these reasons.

  5. Jeremy
    April 18th, 2008 | 10:23 am

    Wellbutrin is no longer labeled like in that picture. 🙂

  6. April 18th, 2008 | 2:55 pm

    According to our sources, you are wrong on all accounts. Jeremy should not have spoke in class today.

  7. Jeremy
    April 23rd, 2008 | 12:59 am

    I was wrong about the indication, it is used more broadly than I remembered.

  8. Konrad
    May 9th, 2008 | 5:30 pm

    It also has significant *positive* side-effects on the sex drive. Remember the stories of people having an orgasm when they sneeze? That was the same drug.