Market’s April Fool’s Joke
by Mr JugglesFacts admitted to in the last 24 hours:
- UBS (NYSE: UBS) needs to raise $15 billion in capital
- UBS wrote down $19 billion
- UBS chairman is leaving
- Deutsche Bank (NYSE: DB) admits they are lying bastards by only writing down $4 billion
- Lehman (NYSE: LEH) is trying to raise $3 to 4 billion in capital
Market reaction pre-opening from the WSJ.com:
Stock futures extended gains as investors opened the books on a new quarter by betting that the latest write-downs from UBS and Deutsche Bank have put most of the worst damage to banks and brokers from the credit crisis out in the open. 9:10 a.m.
Recommendation: Hey everybody, April Fool’s!
Postscript: The Dow Rallied 391 points on the day, no joke
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What the hell is wrong with the market? How many times has the market thought that it has reached a bottom and is now ready to go back into bull markets? Call me crazy but isn’t the biggest problem with the sub prime crisis is that we don’t know how deep it goes? Honestly! I think we are setting ourselves up yet again. Its time to be defensive.
The subprime crisis goes to 11.
This is fucking insane. Up 10%? I guess this is what it must have felt like watching the tickers in the dotcom boom. I’m glad I’ve got no money on the line in this market anymore. I apologise in advance for the offensive simile, but it’s as if the market is entirely populated by retarded children.
It doesn’t matter how deep the mortgage mess is, the former CEO of the Princeton economics department will be able to rescue our $14 trillion economy by inflating our way out of a recession and preventing trading in MBS’s and CDO’s (if we get past the fiction that the Fed’s lone buying of this trash is “trading”). No trading. No price. No worries.
Thus, good news is good news and bad news is even better. Simple. Genius. I’m sure it’ll totally work.
There’s nothing like the sweet smell of shorts roasting over an open fire. Smells like… Victory.
Supply and demand my friends. No need to say WTF (Jr.) today! No. We are simply in dire need of positive market news and the market is responding. I for one welcome this refreshing change in tone. The monotonous droning of write-offs, lay-offs, and… numbers is harmful to long term market growth. We need to look up! UP! Even if we are falling!
long canned goods. Short pieces of paper with dead white guys on them.
Someone needs to track down Jerome Kerviel. I’m pretty sure SocGen’s Delta One desk is behind this brouhaha.
To the Hilt: Very funny, and very subtle joke. I enjoyed it. Please write more funny comments. Thanks.
yeah, clown! dance for me!
Hilt,
The retarded children aren’t getting your jokes. Please no more funny comments.
you win some you lose some i guess
That’s better.
‘course the Dow rallied – dumb fund manager know only standard phrases like “the trend is your friend” or “buy low” – now they assume that it is the low – poor idiots (especially those who buy these funds)
You tell ’em, Peter! Stupid fund managers with their fancy-pants college degrees, disciplined investment strategies and years of experience. Buy gold and Confederate war bonds! The South will rise again!
Not a bad idea. I like the risk/reward.
http://www.scripophily.net/costofamno12.html