Piratery fka Piracy: Primer to Investing in Cutlasses, Rum and Pillaging

by Johnny Debacle


Piracy used to be an important industry providing raping and pillaging services for emerging market economies and sovereign states. Fine countries such as Trinidad and Tobago were built on the pirate economy. Can you imagine England if pirates hadn’t been around? It would now be the United Kingdom of Mexico and London would be New Seville, had it not been for an enterprising fleet of bucaneers.

Pirate Opportunities

Over the past couple decades, shipping companies, luxury cruiselines and international boating have all seen large increases in net profits. However, there has not been a commensurate rise in piratery.

Piratery provides a compelling ROI for the entrepeneurial seaman. For an investment of $20-30k in a boat, some deckhands and rental cutlasses, a pirate captain can realize a 50-60% ROI in one year. Of course, this only holds true given the proper locale. For example, the coast of Somalia is a competitive, if fragmented, market. Investing there is a bad risk reward proposition for a variety of reasons. See Somali Pirates Out of Control or Somali Pirates Free Ship After Month of Captivity or Pirates Attack Cruisership or the free daily paper’s headline from yesterday simply titled “ARGH!” for more details.

But setting up a lair in a place like Isla Margarita, located off the northern coast of Venenzuela, would be an environment with relatively low piratery penetration but proximity to major cruiseline and OPEC oil routes. An added bonus, Isla Margarita is where non-pirate berserker Lope de Aguirre reached his crescendo.

You need to strike while the iron is hot and not be heedin any naysayers or scallywags. Piratery is your path to financial freedom. You’ll be flying the skull & crossbones over a Jupiter, FL mansion in no time.

Recommendation: Depending on your investing horizon, commence pirate raids on commercial trading routes immediately or ask your financial advisor about low cost index funds which track the piratery index. Swig a few shots of Mount Gay, if need be.

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