Raising the Bar at Bonus Time

by Mr Juggles

Most people have one “raise the bar” friend. He’s the one who buys everybody shots — without warning — at midnight. Or who orders filet mignon as soon as it becomes clear that the restaurant bill is going to be split evenly.

Step 1: Raising the bar can be also be used to mess with friends. An easy version of this comes at bonus time. Start early. If you have a friend who gets a bonus in December or January, start yesterday. Begin innocently by reminding your buddy just how much he has “killed it” this year. Emphasize how critical he was to his firm’s sucess. The key is to inflate your friends’ expectations so far beyond reality that no matter what their “numbie” is, they are disappointed.

Step 2: Laugh evily.

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  1. Angryanalyst
    November 13th, 2006 | 12:11 pm

    Is this a new mini-baller game?

  2. Aspiring Mini-Baller
    November 13th, 2006 | 2:58 pm

    This is great. Consider it done.

  3. Sir Equity Go
    November 13th, 2006 | 4:13 pm

    This game is actually meant for real people, but there is a mini-baller version, which includes more steps.
    Step three: Anticipate that your mini-baller friend has inflated his actual bonus when he reports it to you, and therefore inflate your bonus to (whatever he says)*1.10.
    Step Four: To prove that you actually recieved this bonus, buy something you can’t afford that serves no purpose.
    Step Five: Repeat step four whenever there is a witness.

  4. RC
    November 13th, 2006 | 5:43 pm

    Absolutely going to do this.

  5. November 15th, 2006 | 3:34 am

    I started doing this to Mr. Juggles in early september. Mr. Juggles has KILLED IT this year. He is going to get 500% of his base in bonus, minimum, and his employer is getting a heck of a deal at that level.

  6. November 21st, 2006 | 8:16 pm

    For the love of everything holy, NO! For those of us drones tasked with actually running/administering/analyzing incentive compensation plans this is a nightmare. People beg enough come the end of the year, last I need is more of “Oh Tim, I was just expecting so much more because I totally deserve more compensation for totally failing to produce at the level I’m required to!”