Stocks Stocks Stocks: A Week in Review 06-22-07

by Johnny Debacle

Time to make brainsThe market got in the DeLorean, punched it to 88 and went four weeks into the future. Based on the future knowledge that in the coming month, Fred the “Time to Make the Donuts” guy would come back from the dead and start a rival ubiquitous coffee chain called “Zombie Brains”, the market decided to move 51 points in a direction.

Nuveen (NYSE: JNC): Mr. Dearborn had his eye on Nuveen from afar, watching the curves of her body dancing, accruing attention from onlookers. Should I court her? Shalst I acquire her hand for a dance, for a night, for 9 months before I flip her back onto the public markets for a tidy sum? “Yes” his inner voice uttered, and he set out to sate his lustful needs.
Market Impact 6

Blackstone (NYSE: BX): Stephen Schwarzman will use his cash proceeds from the IPO to buyback shares of his own soul.
Market Impact 666

Yahoo (NASDAQ: YHOO): Would be much more confident if their CEO was named Wang or “Tripod.” Or better yet, “Google.”
Market Impact 11

Research in Motion (NASDAQ: RIMM): I had a 4 minute long conversation with my Blackberry this weekend. It was shockingly eloquent and put forth a viable and effective healthcare plan that could cover everyone in the US for a fraction of today’s cost. Then it stood up, grabbed its crotch and did a perfect moonwalk out of the room.
Market Impact 30

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