Sweet Pickles
by Kaiser Edamame
Sweet Pickles are a series of 26 books each about an anthropomorphic animal who is alliteratively named for a letter of the alphabet (eg. Bashful Bear, Clever Camel, Doubtful Dog). The characters are hyperbole’s of their stereotypes and predictably teach kids a life lesson along the way. We highly recommend them if you have kids; if you don’t have kids get them anyway – they’re great if you are stoned and giggly and tired of watching Family Guy re-runs.
What we want to do is brand oft-discussed investors, CEOs, and other finance personalities with a Sweet Pickles name that is so fitting it becomes permanently attached to their persona. For example Dan Loeb, we love Dan Loeb but we think he is a bit of an “Accusing Alligator“. Just like the character, if someone stole Dan Loeb’s shoe he would probably blame anyone he could find, even Loving Lion. If our plan works by next week you’ll be at a conference and overhear something like “. . . yeah the short was working great and then Dan Loeb wrote a letter that I needed a thesaurus to read and all it really said is that he thinks the CEO is a homo and now the stock’s up 20%, I mean what an Accusing Alligator that guy is”.
We’ll try to intersperse these whenever we’re recommending long or short positions in our favorite Wall Street divas. If you have an idea put it in the comments or send us a short post and we’ll help label that whiny CEO a ” Temper Tantrum Turtle”.
Accusing Alligator – Dan Loeb
Bashful Bear
Clever Camel
Doubtful Dog
Enormous Elephant
Fearless Fish
Goof-off Goose
Healthy Hippo
Imitating Iguana
Jealous Jackal
Kidding Kangaroo
Loving Lion
Moody Moose
Nasty Nightingale
Outraged Octopus
Positive Pig
Questioning Quail
Responsible Rabbit
Smarty Stork
Temper Tantrum Turtle
Unique Unicorn
Vain Vulture
Worried Walrus
X-Rating Xerus
Yakety Yak
Zany Zebra
jeff epstein – Xrated Xerus
jeff skilling – positive pig
rupert murdoch – clever camel
steve schwarzman – worried walrus
jim cramer – goof-off goose
steve jobs – temper tantrum turtle
Yakety Yak: John Mackey, Whole Foods CEO.
Jim Simons – Smarty Stork
Ken Lay – Vain Vulture
Brian “Amaranth” Hunter – Responsible Rabbit (irony points!)
Ralph Cioffi or Richard Marin – Bashful Bear
John Mack. definitely a Jealous (of Blankfein) Jackal
Patrick Byrne – The one and only Temper Tantrum Turtle. That was just too easy.
I gues both Peltz and Ackman could be Questioning Quail…
“Sweet Pickles are great!” It’s where little Furries get their first little tingle that they are not quite like the other children in the forest. http://www.godhatesfurries.com/
vain vulture – spitzer
Imitating Iguana – Kravis
Apologies to the other commenters who’ve had suggestions for Bashful Bear. But that is really the one that has to go to Brian Hunter. Not only does his fist name compound the alliteration, but Bashfulness is the only reasons I’ve yet to come up with why he has been working so hard to keep those anodyne marketing materials so secret.
Aleskey Vayner – Vain Vulture
Just when you thought you were safe!!