Vertizontal Consolidation

by Sir Equity Go

In the small town where I grew up, there exist three seemingly unrelated businesses. Until recently I thought the names were just a coincidence, but now I realize that this series of companies is remarkable in many ways. The companies are:

  1. Bang’s ambulance service
  2. Bang’s funeral home
  3. Bang’s sausage manufacturing plant

I think this is the first example of what I like to call the “vertizontal merger”. Bang is capitalizing on both sick and hurt people, as well as the families of the sick, and of course on the dead. But Bang is also making sausage, which is where the synergies really come to life. Bang is being paid to cart dead people away, and then again to turn them into sausage. This merger has drastically cut costs for the sausage division. But what is so unique about this merger is that the company has simultaneously capitalized on the cresting wave of the American consumer’s willingness to eat just about anything, so long as it is cheap AND delicious, in this case human sausage.

Recommendation: We have already documented the surging “willing-to-consume-feces” demo,” but now that demo has one-upped itself as if to say “excrement is nothing — we’ll pay to eat our own relatives (provided that our relatives are both cheap and delicious.” And Bang’s ambulance/funeral/sausage is there to reap the profits. Right now, I really like any business plan that is based on ruthlessly taking advantage of the American public’s willingess to eat anything which is both cheap and delicious.

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  1. Cornelius
    January 18th, 2007 | 10:50 am

    Not to mention the strengthening of its former two businesses by the latter, viz–sausage eating people are more likely to be customers of ambulance and funeral home services…true synergy.

  2. January 18th, 2007 | 10:52 am

    The sausages are killer.

  3. The Corner
    January 18th, 2007 | 12:29 pm

    My hometown in Louisiana has an intersection where the four corners are occupied by a Pharmacy, Hospital, Funeral Home, and Florist. Not owned by the same company but there are definitely some piggy back arrangements to be profited from.

  4. January 19th, 2007 | 10:30 am

    Midwest (American in general) people-sausage the best because it’s nice and fatty.

  5. January 19th, 2007 | 3:46 pm

    I think Bang’s is really going to find its stride with the recent introduction of celebrity human sausage. I think the only thing better than eating tasty human sausage is eating tasty human sausage with a large fan base. They started off slow with a “Norm Mcdonald” in Q3 06, but I think the most recent plan is to release “Brangelina” later this year.

  6. January 19th, 2007 | 4:27 pm

    I would love to eat a “Scarlett Johannson”