Going Private’s Equity Private’s Real Private Identity

by Johnny Debacle

As you may or may not know, the esteemed Dealbreaker released a blind item hinting at the identity of the anonymous author of Going Private. That hint pointed to Kimberly Kravis, daughted of KKR founder, Henry Kravis. Having developed a website relationship with Going Private which includes internet tea parties, anonymous post swapping, and a friendly give and take, we too have come to know the true identity of the industrious and using-word-a-lotty Equity Private. It is this knowledge that allows us to strike down the Dealbreaker’s false claim of her identity and instead let the world know who Equity Private is through pictures.

Here is shot of Equity Privateer with Armin, her boss.

She goes by the nickname “Birdie”.

A candid shot of Equity Private engaging in one of her most favorite hobbies that don’t include anonymous blogging or being “very wordy”.

Here Equity Private is in the Hamptons after one too many. Never trust a man who wears a mask and steals hamburgers, ladies. If he has no problem stealing a burger, he has no problem stealing your heart.

And here she is at one of her private equity firms soirees discussing deals and getting sauced on expensive drinks. The Debt Bitch is the pink one with the siren-song eyes.

As you can see Birdie comes with a certain amount of pedigree. She has always been an “early bird” doing well enough to get accepted to Hamburger University and later getting her MBA from HBS, in this case the tastily named Hamburger Business School. As we have exchanged emails with Birdie, and gotten to know her, we have found her to be one of the good ones not like that horrible Hamburglar or that Grimace looking purple bastard, so we hope that despite our outing of her real real identity she will continue her noble goal of bettering the world one 5000 word sardonic memoir post at a time.

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  1. May 8th, 2007 | 5:44 pm

    You used a – instead of a = on the last link, which for all the readers curious to finally see the mysterious Debt Bitch is http://longorshortcapital.com/wp-content/equityprivatepefriends.jpg (She looked better as a brunette, IMO. Put on some weight too.)

  2. May 8th, 2007 | 5:56 pm

    She definitely has a look though. Plus she always “gets the worm”.

  3. May 8th, 2007 | 9:48 pm

    You can expect to hear from my attorneys.

  4. Mr. Two Cents
    December 29th, 2011 | 12:11 pm

    Get over yourselves. Stop hating and sounding so desperate. All Equity Private did is provide great insight. It’s just too bad you guys lack such.

  5. April 4th, 2012 | 1:37 pm

    We’re friendly with her — you could characterize us as mutual fans — and have worked with her on this site. She’s great.