Can Lohan Get US Long?

by User Submitted

My advice is to take all the money that I blow on cocaine and blow exactly that amount on US EquitiesResearch by Straight Cash Homie appended to Long Chunky Chick Assets:

This research needs to be augmented with the Lindsey Lohan indicator. When she was a coked out whore doing Disney films and being filmed doing guys in her Disney trailer (or bathroom stall) the bull market was in full effect. Since she has allegedly gone to rehab and sworn off the blow (and the men) the market has grown almost as cold as her career.

I propose the only way to really make the economy take its first big stride forward to recovery is to nationalize her and allow bankers to use her as means to rebuild confidence. This would undoubtedly be a highly controversial step but saving our economy is more important than any supposed “moral hazard.” To satisfy the Bailout Stimulus (or B-S for short) conditions on the population at large benefiting from such an investment she can be “taken public” by resale to Club Jenna by Vivid for a huge profit generator in DVD sales and “Club” appearances. It will take a few years to spin her assets back out for public benefit, by that time the coke habit and confidence (along with closely related cousin: The Bull Market) are back full swing!

(note: the public, like bank equity holders, will in no way experience anywhere near the benefits of those in Finance. They will gladly way over pay for what they are actually getting and by that time her risk level will be WAY more “speculative” than an equity traunch of a CDO. We all know the ensuing bull market will cause the irrelevance of risk controls and due diligence so just remember to get her stamped with the AAA rating and it’s a done deal.)

Following on, he submitted the following by electronic correspondence:

Lohan, 22, went on a bender after a Beverly Hills court issued a $50,000
warrant for her arrest for a probation breach
. She partied at JACK NICHOLSON’s Hollywood home until 4.30am.

Given my prior posts regarding the correlation for Lohan debauchery to the market, partying with Jack Nicholson has to be a very encouraging sign.

Recommendation: While technical-focused traders are looking for evidence that the recent rally will be sustained, the Lohan indicator is pointing Very Long, an upgrade from Half Mast.. The Lohan indicator is still the red-headed stepchild of indicators, but we recommend hitting that bid.

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