Stocks Stocks Stocks: A Week in Review 07-27-07

by Johnny Debacle

The market sagged like grandma due to credit jitters, subprime worries, a lack of PE activity, a collapse in bond prices, non-double digit earnings growth, China, Russia, a superspike in the price of indium, the stupid ending of the Harry Potter book where he wakes up and it’s just a dream and Voldemort is his dad (spoiler alert), and a realization by the market that no matter how high she goes, people will still see her as a failure if she has an off week. She is the hardest working woman in stock business, give her a break.

KKR (Sorta listed in like Amsterdam or some shit): Jealously eyeing Blackstone because they were able to pull off their IPO at a peak.
Market Impact -75

Blackstone (NYSE:BX): Jealously eyeing KKR because they were unable to pull off their IPO and thus are not exposed to the judgement of the plebes.
Market Impact -100

Every other PE firm — Jealously eyeing KKR and Blackstone for being incrementally more prestigious than they.
Market Impact -300

Chevron (NYSE: CVX): Chevron continued investing in production facilities for it’s “Blind Faith” field in the Gulf of Mexico. First drilled in 2005 there is little to no evidence that oil reserves will be discovered. When asked why the company was spending so aggressively on this speculative field they responded “Go ahead, don’t believe us, that sure worked out well for Doubting Thomas didn’t it? Just because you can’t see the oil doesn’t mean there isn’t any, that’s what faith IS, duh”.
Market Impact -20

The Actual Economy: Hey guys, I’m doing great! Why y’all look so glum?
Market Impact -400

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  1. GameOver
    July 27th, 2007 | 9:28 am

    Angelo Mozilo: Suckers, I sold out LONG ago!