The Ring of Greenspan

by Johnny Debacle

Very suddenly it came, and without forewarning of its nearness, a horror of hellish red light, swift as a wind-blown flame, that leapt from the market’s gloom and sprang upon us where we stood. We saw, in a floating redness as of ghostly blood, the black and semi-serpentine form of the Subprime Exposure. A flat and snakish head, without ears or nose, was tearing at our portfolio’s armor with sharp, serrate teeth. I heard the teeth clash and grate on the tiering credit protection of our CDO.

Swiftly I laid the ring of Greenspan on a stone I had placed in readiness, and broke the dark jewel with a blow of the Hewlett-Packard financial calculator which I carried. From the pieces of the lightly shattered gem, the disemprisoned demon rose in the form of a smoky fire, small as a candle-flame at first, and greatening to a spinning inferno. Hissing softly with the voice of fire, and brightening to a wrathful, terrible gold, Greenspan leapt forward to do battle with Subprime Exposure, as he had promised me, in return for his freedom after cycles of captivity.

Greenspan closed upon the Subprime Exposure with a vengeful flaring, and it relinquished our structured product, writhing like a stern bear struck by a cannon. The body of the Subprime Exposure convulsed loathfully , and it seemed to melt in the manner of wax, changing horribly beneath the flame as it undertook an incredible metamorphosis. Moment by moment, the thing took on the wavering similitude of man.

The unclean blackness swirled, assuming the weft of cloth amid its changes, and becoming the folds of a dark suit such as worn by a government official or conservative business executive. Then, above the cravatte, a face began to peer. The face, though shadowy and distorted, was that of Bernanke. The fire-shaped Greenspan assailed the abhorrently transfigured thing, and the face melted again into waxy blackness, and a great column of sooty smoke arose, followed by an odor of burning flesh. And out of the volumed smoke, above the hissing of Greenspan, there came a single cry in the voice of Bernanke.

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  1. jake
    July 20th, 2007 | 2:13 pm

    simply amazing.
    now i dont even have to read the last harry potter book

  2. bfellows
    July 20th, 2007 | 3:29 pm

    or the first.