You Cannot Escape Doom

by Mr Juggles

One of the other two writer/PMs signed up Mister Juggles’ email for something called “Roubini Global Economics” (ed note: we will not be linking any of the mentioned material for reasons that will be made clear, bear with us). “They” made a huge mistake. At the time it seemed innocuous enough – “hey this guy sometimes has some insights, just like sometimes that dead clock over there tells me what time it is.” Roubini Global Economics is an attempt to parlay the Dr. Doom schtick into serious global economic monitoring with a Doom bias. Fine, knock yourself out buddy. Nouriel Roubini’s role in the project is as “Chairman,” and all of Latveria rejoices in his genius. Sample headlines include: “Meltdown, Anyone?” (Mar’08), “Are Commodity Prices Getting Ahead of Fundamentals?” and “Green Shoots or Yellow Weeds” (May’09). But there were too many emails, too much self-promotion, and too much repetition. I can only take so much information and so much email before I just tune it all out. I unsubscribed two years ago. Simple enough, really.

Except that I didn’t stop getting various RGE emails. No, no, no, into my inbox, Roubini still snuck. Email types received include: “The RGE MONITOR,” “The RGE Content Weekly Roundup,” “Welcome to the New EconoMonitor,” “New and Improved RGE Newsletters,” “From Nouriel’s Blackberry,” and “From the Desk of Nouriel Roubini.” I unsubscribed over and over and over and Nouriel did not go away. And he was a goddamned sneak about it, too. Like, for a couple weeks, I’d be in the clear and think: “Finally, this unsubscription took! I’m a-OK and Roubini free!” Then boom I’d get an email like: “From Nouriel’s Blackberry: Greek Contagion Risks – Much Ado About Relatively Little”; Roubini’s way of saying: “I’m not done with you yet, I’m economic hepatitis.”

And like in my lifetime fight against hepatitis, I roared and I raged. The whole thing gave me pause. What does it mean that since 2008 I have been unable to unsubscribe from Nouriel Roubini’s bearish soothsaying? Maybe it’s not the RGE that is unsubscribeable at all. Maybe, just maybe, what is really unsubscribeable is doom. You, one, me, we, WE cannot unsubscribe from doom.

Recommendation: You cannot escape doom.

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  1. RGE subscriber
    July 9th, 2011 | 12:03 am

    Sadly you are not much exaggerating the experience of being an RGE subscriber. There’s some decent analysis in those e-mails but all with a skeevy layer of Nouriel Roubini self promotion on top. I for one mostly wrote the guy off after he appeared as “Doctor Hashimi” in the new Wall Street movie. Which was terrible, by the way.

  2. Patrick Bateman
    July 9th, 2011 | 2:33 pm

    Now, Juggles, you’ve to wear clothes in proportion to your physique. There are definite dos and don’ts, good buddy of wearing a bold striped shirt. A bold stripe shirt calls for solid colored or discreetly patterned suits and ties. Always tip the stylist 15%. Listen, Juggles, I’ve gotta go, T. Boone Pickens just walked in.

  3. To The Hilt
    July 11th, 2011 | 5:54 pm

    Seriously, Batemen, that’s your comment?

    I’m disappointed.

    Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to return some videotapes.

  4. Bitchtern
    July 14th, 2011 | 8:11 am

    The new Wall Street movie didn’t in fact sucks. Shia LeBouf did suck though. That kid would have been crying like a pregnant intern on a trading desk.

    Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have a lunch meeting in 20 minutes with Cliff Huxtable at the Four Seasons.