Bear vs Shark The Corporate Edition: HR vs IT Part 2

by Johnny Debacle

See Part 1, where we covered how HR (Human Resources) sucks. This piece makes the case for IT.

IT (Information Technology) is the official profession of skinny white and asian guys, who when they aren’t dragging their feet, are finding ways to cover their own ass. There is no more powerful innovation to information services than the internet+ computers, yet IT’s main raison d’etre seems to be to ensure that technology is never anything other than silicon enhanced handcuffs. Although left unstated officially, it’s well known that IT is in their own personal arms race with China to match “The Great Firewall” and ensure that none of the proletariats/comrades/employees can ever use the internet to go to dangerous “tasteless” content and to ensure that it blocks downloads from Google[Ed note: The download for Google Toolbar and Google Desktop Search is inaccessible on my machine for instance]. The strangest facet of IT is that left unattended, their kind will reproduce asexually, doubling in number every 6 months, while absolute department production remains constant.

Typical interaction with IT.

Me: “Norton Antivirus just made my compute explode as I logged in from standby. There are hard drive bits in my hair.”
IT Guy: “Sorry, there is nothing I can do, it’s a known problem.”
Me: “Well on my new computer can I get it without Norton Antivirus?”
IT: “No, that would not be possible.”
Me: “Why not??? You said it has a known problem.”
IT: “But if you didn’t have Norton Antivirus, your computer would be totally exposed. You could get a virus from anywhere.”
Me: “Could any virus do any more damage than Norton Antivirus just did? I have never gotten a virus in my life because I don’t open attachments to emails from people I don’t know or which look suspicious.”
IT: “If you don’t have Norton Antivirus, you would be in violation of company policy. I’d have to report you to HR.”
Me: “I hate so much of what you choose to be.”

(For more on IT, see related report Tales from My Internecine Struggle with the IT Department).

Recommendation: While my disdain for the actual IT department is far stronger, I think my disdain for all that HR embodies makes it the worse.

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