Bear vs Shark The Corporate Edition: HR vs IT Part 2

by Johnny Debacle

See Part 1, where we covered how HR (Human Resources) sucks. This piece makes the case for IT.

IT (Information Technology) is the official profession of skinny white and asian guys, who when they aren’t dragging their feet, are finding ways to cover their own ass. There is no more powerful innovation to information services than the internet+ computers, yet IT’s main raison d’etre seems to be to ensure that technology is never anything other than silicon enhanced handcuffs. Although left unstated officially, it’s well known that IT is in their own personal arms race with China to match “The Great Firewall” and ensure that none of the proletariats/comrades/employees can ever use the internet to go to dangerous “tasteless” content and to ensure that it blocks downloads from Google[Ed note: The download for Google Toolbar and Google Desktop Search is inaccessible on my machine for instance]. The strangest facet of IT is that left unattended, their kind will reproduce asexually, doubling in number every 6 months, while absolute department production remains constant.

Typical interaction with IT.

Me: “Norton Antivirus just made my compute explode as I logged in from standby. There are hard drive bits in my hair.”
IT Guy: “Sorry, there is nothing I can do, it’s a known problem.”
Me: “Well on my new computer can I get it without Norton Antivirus?”
IT: “No, that would not be possible.”
Me: “Why not??? You said it has a known problem.”
IT: “But if you didn’t have Norton Antivirus, your computer would be totally exposed. You could get a virus from anywhere.”
Me: “Could any virus do any more damage than Norton Antivirus just did? I have never gotten a virus in my life because I don’t open attachments to emails from people I don’t know or which look suspicious.”
IT: “If you don’t have Norton Antivirus, you would be in violation of company policy. I’d have to report you to HR.”
Me: “I hate so much of what you choose to be.”

(For more on IT, see related report Tales from My Internecine Struggle with the IT Department).

Recommendation: While my disdain for the actual IT department is far stronger, I think my disdain for all that HR embodies makes it the worse.



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Comments

  1. TG
    August 31st, 2006 | 11:48 am

    HR will always win. The “skinny white and Aisian guys,” or any IT person for that matter, for the most part, is lost in the etherworld. HR writes and re-writes the rules, and keeps the official CYA manual locked up, only to be brought out at an opportune time.

  2. Mr Juggles
    August 31st, 2006 | 3:52 pm

    Good point about always rewriting the rules. But I think you mean HR loses. Or wins the status as the worst.

  3. Ed
    September 4th, 2006 | 5:30 am

    I’m an IT guy. And no, I’m not a skinny white guy. Do what you want with your pc at home. The company dosn’t give you one for your own personal entertainment, it’s to do the job they pay you to do. Since when do you need google search to do your job? Get back to work.

    It’s a constant battle to keep the donkeys (otherwise known as users) from screwing up their computers. Just because you possibly haven’t screwed yours up yet is more due to luck than anything else.

  4. Ed Lover
    September 4th, 2006 | 1:21 pm

    Dear Ed,

    I am a software engineer. I need google search to do my job. Try again.

  5. September 5th, 2006 | 10:06 am

    Dear Ed,

    The entire staff of this site and the entire financial industry needs to do Google Searches to do this thing called “Research.”

    Not only that, but IT stands for Information Technology. You can have all of the latter in the world, but if you restrict the ability to get the former, your actions are self-defeating.

    The goal of a company isn’t to have the safest internal network ever OMG hurray!

    The goal of a company is to have the internal network and IT infrastructure which enhances the productivity of the firm the most. And IT generally doesn’t think like this, they think of their coworkers as donkeys and potential holes in the dam to be plugged.

  6. Mr Juggles
    September 5th, 2006 | 10:42 am

    Both IT & HR are the home of closet socialists. Ed exemplifies their paternalistic attitudes in his comments above. I intend to flesh this out in a future article.

  7. Ed
    September 18th, 2006 | 1:17 am

    I wasn’t clear enough in my Google search comment and got slammed for it. I’m ok with admitting that and taking the heat. My point was, if you want to use google, open up IE and go to their webpage and search away. The tool bar/desktop search addin is just extra clutter that will make your PC run slower/crash/etc… It’s simple, the more stuff you have running on your pc, the slower it gets. Personaly, I don’t know crap about Google’s add-ins, they may run fine, but a lot of other addins have adverse consequeces.

    “The entire staff of this site and the entire financial industry” I have two observations: 1) the entire staff – what’s that, all two of you who maintain this blog? 2) I like how you subtly link this blog to the real financial industry.

    btw – for a blog that incorporates a lot of sarcasm in it’s postings, you sure missed it my comments.

  8. Mr Juggles
    September 18th, 2006 | 3:39 pm

    “The tool bar/desktop search addin is just extra clutter that will make your PC run slower/crash/etc… It’s simple, the more stuff you have running on your pc, the slower it gets. Personaly, I don’t know crap about Google’s add-ins, they may run fine, but a lot of other addins have adverse consequeces.”

    The marginal computer usage of the Google Toolbar is insignificant. I’d love to know how many crashes have been caused by Google Toolbar. Google is well known for their invasive crash inducing software. The fact you know nothing about it…it shows you don’t address your job with a lot of hustle.

    “”The entire staff of this site and the entire financial industry” I have two observations: 1) the entire staff – what’s that, all two of you who maintain this blog? 2) I like how you subtly link this blog to the real financial industry”

    Everyone on our staff is a professional in finance, which is what JD was alluding to. Depending on how you define “staff,” we are analysts in hedge funds, private equity and public investment management firms.

  9. Arzan
    March 19th, 2009 | 3:29 pm

    Hey Ed,

    Trying to fight your case on this website would be something like the US President trying to sell democracy to the Taliban. I think its a lost cause. Don’t take these articles personally. I’m sure there are IT sites out there that tear up on the Finance department. =)

    Cheers!