Is Brown the New Black?

by Johnny Debacle

Why are your lips brownIn previous reports, we have shown the light on the rising popularity of pooplet derivatives products and the growth of the “willing-to-consume-feces” demo (see related research below). A new wrinkle has been brought to our attention, a faux pooplet derivative product called Free Range Chicken Poop Lip Balm. This product contains no poop based on its description which says:

This product contains no poop!

Although not specifcally noted, our diligence indicates that it contains no free range chicken either. In fact, this lip balm is made completely out of lip balm.

Despite it being made of solely of lip balm, Free Range Chicken Poop Lip Balm glams onto two seperate idiot demographics:

  1. The aforementioned “willing-to-consume-feces” demo.
  2. People under the mistaken impression that humanely treated chickens are more delicious than tortured chickens.

These combine to form a large addressable market comprised solely of easily swayed idiots, who are ambivalent between actually consuming what they want and the feeling they are actually consuming what they want.

Recommendation: This data point indicates that there is more strength in poop than we previously believed. We raise our rating of the producers of pooplet derivative products to “Three Flushes” from our previous rating of “Two Flushes and a Firm Wafting“. Initiate faux pooplet derivative products at “Light a Match.”

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