More Pooplet Products Being Marketed: Kopi Luwak Coffee

by Johnny Debacle

Weird I didn't eat any Kopi Luwak beans last nightFollowing our research on Domino’s (NYSE: DPZ) attempt to market pooplets as a viable food offering, we discovered what may be an earlier product. Kopi Luwak coffee is created by a unique process outlined well in the article, The Straight Poop on Kopi Luwak Coffee:

Years ago I heard a rumor of a rare coffee that was collected from the droppings of a wild animal. For quite a while, having nothing to substantiate this I had dismissed this as either an urban legend, or something so rare I was unlikely to ever have access to it.

[What’s] this luwak critter? Known as the luwak, luak, musang, toddy cat, civet, palm civet and civet-cat, many people believe it is a wild cat. While it is a mammal it is actually a cousin of the mongoose. Probably it’s closest North American counterpart is the skunk with which it shares the ability to excrete a noxious odor from scent glands near it’s anus.

The animal can range from four to eleven pounds and is largely nocturnal. While it is an omnivore, the luwak is particularly fond of perfectly ripe coffee cherries. Thanks to coffee farmers, the luwak has no troubles finding plenty of coffee.

Once eaten, the coffee cherries take the normal route through the animal’s digestive path. The amazing thing is while the fruit of the coffee is being digested, the bean is left largely unchanged, eventually passing in the animals droppings.

The droppings and their caffeine-laden content are collected by farmers. The coffee is then cleaned and the green, un-roasted bean shipped to roasters.

From there, Kopi Luwak is peddled to the least discriminating, most easily manipulated and most drug addled consumer base in the world — American coffee consumers. Filtered dirt water is essentially a gateway product to consuming shitquids.

Recommendation: Which came first Domino’s delivery pooplets or coffee bean pooplets? We will leave that to the scientists and historians to judge, but what is clear is that there is a definitive secular trend towards the American consumer warming up to eating shit.

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