Foreign Exchange Rates for Australian Humans
by Johnny Debacle
Updating our foreign exchange rates for humans based on some movemements in the spot market:
- One 24yo Aussie surfer’s life (assets and non-financial liabilities only) = $60,000 AUD
From eBay:
Winning bidder will take ownership of my:
– Name
– Phone number
– All my possessions which includes the following
– Clothes,
– Roughly 300 CDs
– Surfboard
– Laptop (minus certain information with my discretion),
– Pushbike (Has wonky handlebars, may need some work)
– Books,
– Bed
– CD player
– Backpack
– Tennis racquets
– Golf Clubs(which you will have no idea how to use)
– Childhood photos
– Skateboard
– Nice lamp which your ex-girlfriend bought you.– I will teach you my skills which include the following
– Surfing (Expert)
– Climbing (Intermediate)
– Skateboarding (Novice)
– Handstand Skills (Expert)
– Fire Twirling Skills (Intermediate)
– Devil Stick Twirling (Expert)
(Plus many more)– Will introduce to all my friends & potential lovers (around 8 which I have been flirting with)
– I have around 15 close friends and around 170 other friends
– I have 2 nemeses.
Recommendation: We are bullish on the 24yo Aussie and expect trading levels to increase to a target of $120,000 AUD. Past that point we think the market will push back due to the lack of clarity in this footnote of the prospectus:
There is some tension with a former ex from a painful breakup which must be inherited.
Those kinds of liabilites can be extremely deleterious to asset values and are notoriously difficult to quantify.
Edit 1/22/07: Auction is down to $7k AUD with 7 hours left on it.
Ahem, I’m surprised at the emphasis on the Aussie’s target price, and the failure to consider that he might be undervalued on a current basis but lack much future appreciation beyond that. I don’t see any sum-of-the-parts analysis, and his most valuable asset has been overlooked (Australian citizenship).
American tend to overestimate the future value of Australians based on their performance overseas (Rupert Murdoch, Nicole Kidman, James Wolfensohn, Mel Gibson, Jacques Nasser). Australians in Australia, particularly surfer boys, peak early. All that sun and booze. Good looking straight men over 30 are surpringly hard to find.
No, I considered those factors which is why the target isn’t more.
I think when the first single human hostile financial takeover is done in a Western Democracy, you will see Cerberus or some other vulture buying people at valuations levels of $3-4mm minimum assuming regulators allow taking on all of the assets (indentity, experiences, memories). This will be helped by the iBrain, a small stylishly designed personal electronic device by Apple which will allow people to upload and download their entire existence via Apple’s revolutionary iTunes marketplace; expect an announcement at MacWorld 2008.
We see this surfer boy as as similar to a profitable but declining newspaper business which you know will experience secular decline but in the meantime can be profitably milked for cash. And while a 24yo surfer certainly is an early peaker, that entrance point is a great way for interesting but older gentlemen to access markets of novelty groupies as the desirable “aimless women under 25” market.
Great article
I hope everybody read this article