Improve the Real Estate Market, Make Mortgages Out of Corn

by Johnny Debacle

Adjustable Rate Corngages with Butter teasersWhen America had the desire to prop up corn prices a need for cheap sugar what did it do? Make sugar out of corn.

When America had the desire to prop up corn prices a need for an alternative source for cheap liquid gasoline? Make gasoline (ethanol) out of corn (and out of pigs via piganol).

Now America has a floundering real estate market and the need for cheap domestic financing to prop it up. What should she do? Make mortgages out of corn. Turn what is plentiful into what is scarce. Simple.

Corngages can be produced by converting corn into cheap financing by a special process invented by Orville Redenbanker. The best part is that it is a green friendly and renewable source of mortgages, an important point in a world where sustainability is stepping to the forefront. While there are some side effects (including but not limited to: a large amount of emissions which melt the ozone and an increased price of corn, which means an increased price of everything for which corn is an input or a substitute), they can be “offset” by employing other corn products such as cornbon-offset and corn price deflators.

Recommendation: We recommend being long corn, long real estate and long any problem which can be solved by corn, which as far as we can determine is EVERY problem.

Related Reseach:

Ad Sense Ad Sense


  1. Juan
    May 1st, 2008 | 10:59 am

    The US faces and abundance of difficult problems.

    The US has an abundance of corn.

    1 + 1 = 2

  2. Easy E
    May 1st, 2008 | 11:20 am

    No worries, when corn prices are too high, we can just make corn out of corn.

  3. May 1st, 2008 | 11:28 am

    Or we can just direct deposit 600 ears of corn on every American’s doorstep?

    Maybe 300 pads of top-grade Plugra butter for every extra kid?

  4. Rob
    May 1st, 2008 | 12:08 pm

    wouldnt it make more sense to turn the excess home supply into fuel? “Housaline”?

  5. May 1st, 2008 | 1:03 pm

    I just hope my next bonus check isn’t made from corn.

  6. OG
    May 1st, 2008 | 1:14 pm

    KipEsquire, that would be “peanuts”

  7. Dave
    May 1st, 2008 | 1:17 pm

    Rob has it backwards. His idea would actually help. (Clearly he understands the tools, but not the goal.)

    You can’t create a market for unmarketable houses – your goal was more mortgages and less corn.

    The only way to lower the price of a mortgage in comparison to corn is to offer government subsidies for houses built out of corn.

    In fact, I think two of the three candidates have already declared their support for this idea.

  8. To The Hilt
    May 2nd, 2008 | 9:17 am

    Cornbread is my favorite candy.

  9. jag
    May 2nd, 2008 | 10:08 am

    I don’t care what you libtards say, I stand behind our President and his decision to send 200,000 extra ears of corn into Iraq.