The First Wave

by Johnny Debacle

They’re here.

A mysterious sea creature up to 7 feet long, with 10 arms, a sharp beak and a ravenous appetite, has invaded ocean waters off Northern California. Packs of fierce Humboldt Squid attack nearly everything they see, from fish to scuba divers. Marine biologists are working to discover why they’ve headed north from their traditional homes off South America.

It’s pretty clear why they are moving north — world domination. Marine Biologists should pull their heads out of their scuba asses and start looking at the underwater financial markets to find out what really is going on.

Recommendation: A mere scouting party, and yet look at the havoc it wreaks. The humboldt squid can get up to 2 meters long. Now consider the fact that the collossal squid can get up to 10 times that size and you start to understand what humankind is facing. As man is on the way out, you might as well continue to profit from it — we maintain our long stance on the entire Cephalopod Index. Also our research indicates that the underlying squid and octopus firms will likely be able to pass on any cost inflation they experience in legs or razor beaks by effecting price increases in their world domination product.

HT to E-roc

Science: How Octopuses get some Octopussy

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  1. jd
    April 4th, 2008 | 9:53 am

    yes, that’s all well and good, but how do they taste?

  2. April 4th, 2008 | 10:13 am

    You joke, but we are getting many emails from our squid readers asking the very same thing about you and us.

  3. pirate vs squid
    April 4th, 2008 | 10:41 am

    Squid, 1. Pirate, 0.

  4. To The Hilt
    April 4th, 2008 | 1:24 pm

    apologies to coop (i know how he hates me), but i felt compelled to repost this from the comments from the link above:

  5. April 4th, 2008 | 1:33 pm
  6. american bandersnatch
    April 4th, 2008 | 4:18 pm

    Pirates are making a comeback. Squid 1, Pirate 1, French yachtsmen 0

  7. coop
    April 6th, 2008 | 11:32 pm

    To the Hilt: why do you think I hate you?
    I am just as long cephalopods as the next guy, and that includes cephalopod related paraphernalia, such as T- shirts. But I do hate you. But how did you know?