WSJ Tell Me What Stocks Will Do
by Johnny DebacleEvery morning, my favorite moment is when I first log onto WSJ.com. What will the market be up to today, WSJ.com? Will stocks SURGE? Are they poised to open up? Or set for a weaker start? Or will it be more of an “edge” than a “start”.
Their permutations which change every 5 minutes are the best market intel out there. The WSJ is all knowing. During the day you might see:
“Stocks rebounded with authority, like a young Charles Oakley, on hopes of a Fed cut in September.”
It’s only August now, but let’s not quibble with meaningless details. You might also see:
“Stocks declined on jitters and news of jitters and the possibility of more news on jitters. Europe treaded water.”
“Stocks love cartwheels; markets set to spin.”
“Caution down below; market openings point to a steep downward motion.”
The Oakman — my prize possession from the glory days of the Knicks is my Oakely’s Car Wash t-shirt . . .
“Caution down below; market openings point to a steep downward motion.â€
Damn. I just got some weird looks in my office when I started chortling at that last line 🙂
It’s funny cos it’s true, and there’s nothing like a bit of gallows humour at a time like this.
chris. [name of employer witheld]
More we-todd-edness from the Wall Street Journal:
http://wcvarones.blogspot.com/2007/08/wall-street-journals-decline-continues.html
Of course during the day the descriptions of stock movements can be equally amusing. Perhaps a standard taxonomy is needed to allow readers to compare apples to apples:
http://sneakybusiness.typepad.com/sneaky/2007/07/google-misses-s.html