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Vegetable Arbitrage

Published on May 31, 2007 by in Research

Baby carrots are hot right now. So hot. Chicks love them. Metrosexuals love them. This why they’re hot: uniform appearance, small, cute, and crunchy. At your local grocery store, baby carrots command a price premium — normally around 100% — to regular carrots. However, it turns out that they are made from “culls, which are

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Save These Hot Boobs From Cancer – TRUMPED!

Published on May 29, 2007 by in Research

Only a few short months after announcing our Save These Hot Boobs From Cancer (STHBC) campaign our idea has been pirated by real live people. “For the Love of Boobs” was kicked off in London this month with these bus adds creating a boobylicious buzz all over town. If there was any doubt that this

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Bored? What about a drink? Or an incredibly helpful survey?

Published on May 26, 2007 by in Sell Outs

In order to more efficiently exploit our subscriberholders, we need to know more about them. In this vein, we urge you to take this reader demographic survey. We promise there will be beer and alcohol involved. And strippers*. *Strippers are conditional on you doing the survey within the confines of a participating strip club.

 
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Quick Serve Restaurant Righteousness: CKE Restaurants

Published on May 25, 2007 by in Research

CKE (NYSE: CKR), franchiser and operator of Carl’s JR and Hardee’s, gets it. CEO Andy Puzder of CKE wants to give people delicious food, health concerns be damned. In doing so, he demonstrates the crucial tenant of “don’t listen to what your customer says, listen to what your customer does.” My opinion is that the

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Best Sentence I Read Yesterday on Blackstone and China

Published on May 22, 2007 by in Research

China to Reinvest Bubble Proceeds in New, Larger Bubble From Kevin Depew’s piece on China and Blackstone. Later in this piece is this gem “Anyway, it’s a good deal for Blackstone, because nothing says ensured profitability, prosperity and success like giving up an 8% stake of your firm to communists.”

 
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Corn Too Expensive? Turn Pigs into Ethanol

Published on May 22, 2007 by in Research

The WSJ yesterday reported how pig farmers are using fatty non-corn based substitutes to feed their pork assets as a response to surging corn prices. Corn prices are surging because the US Government thinks what the people want more than anything is to give money to large agribusinesses, like future Satan’s Portfolio member Archer-Daniels-Midland (NYSE:

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Motivated Prostitutes, the Opposite of Lazy Unions

Published on May 21, 2007 by in Research

Italy has prostitutes and these prostitutes have rights. One small Italian mayor is trying to eclipse those rights. Last week he passed a law making it illegal to obstruct or slow traffic for the purpose of soliciting sex. The soliciting sex part is fine, it’s the obstructing traffic part that concerns him enough to slap

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Quotes Entirely Relevant to Investing 05-20-07

Published on May 20, 2007 by in Quotes

Why would the majority favor policies that hurt the majority? … The majority favors these policies because the average person underestimates the social benefits of the free market, especially for international and labor markets. In a phrase, the public suffers from anti-market bias. Bryan Caplan GMU Economics Professor Past Quotes Entirely Relevant to Investing

 
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Reader Email: Baller or Mini-Baller?

Published on May 16, 2007 by in Mini-Baller

From reader “Butters” in the suicide capital of the world: Jalen Rose of the Phoenix Suns recently commented on ESPN that without Amare Stoudemire they, “gotta find a way to get it done.” I immediately began to wonder: Is Rose a baller or a mini-baller? His command of the mini-baller language obviously indicates mini, but

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Pox Infested Blankets for Time Warner

Published on May 15, 2007 by in Research

According to this ABC News article, Time Warner had this to say at last week’s National Cable & Telecommunications Association conference: [My] favorite quote of the week came from Richard Parsons, CEO of Time Warner Inc., speaking at the annual National Cable & Telecommunications Association conference in Las Vegas. According to Reuters — a fact

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Better Ways to Spend $7.4 billion than buying Chrysler

Published on May 14, 2007 by in Research

Donating $1,000 in malt liquor money to each member of the US homeless population Making Spiderman 3 24.67 times Drowning a stripper by making it rain with $7.4 billion in singles. Sacagawea singles. Buying decaying shark corpse art for all your closest friends. Your 1,000 closest friends assuming you get a discount for buying decaying

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Unions are the Best: Part 0.000002

Published on May 14, 2007 by in Research

I’m back and fired up about organized labor again.  In their most recent display of genius employees at Chrysler have been attempting to secure financing in order to fund an employee sponsored bid for the automaker which is in being sold by the parent, Daimler-Chrysler (NYSE: DCX).  They claim that the interest of the employees

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Quotes Entirely Relevant to Investing 05-13-07

I cannot give you a sure-fire formula for success, but I can give you the formula for failure, which is: Try to please everybody. Herbert B. Swope Past Quotes Entirely Relevant to Investing

 
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Long or Short Capital Reports Q3’07 Results

Long or Short Capital’s fiscal 3rd Quarter ended on 4/30/07, and the company reported its results in a press release: Mr Juggles: “Morning all. The third quarter was a transitional one for Long or Short. We took part in initiatives which had a negative short term impact on our financials, but which will position us

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