A Guide to Boring Conversations with Financial Professionals

by Mr Juggles

You: So did I tell you about my portfolio? It’s totally kicking ass, and that Oil Conglomerate Search Engine company is going to be the name of my new boat. Also that Commodity Producer Consumer Electronics company has been generating stellar returns over the last 6 months. It’s green every day. I should just start my own fund. I AM THE MAN.

You: So I read in the Journal today, [insert anything].

You: So I’m mulling over this fantasy baseball trade. My definite keepers are Abreu, Ortiz, Mariano, Chavez, Podsednik (not a solid keeper at all, but will take care of steals). Then I have King Felix (for whom I’ve gotten offers from 4 people) Buerhle, Clemens, Schilling, Damon, Brian Roberts, Ensberg as my potential 6th keeper. I’ve done everything I can to move either Chavez or Ensberg starting 2 seasons ago and no one will bite.

So I can keep King Felix, or trade him for Buerle, the third pick who would hopefully be someone who slipped down, and a 9th round pick. My thoughts are that these picks will help me fill my roster a lot faster so I can get more closers and potential sleepers earlier than other people. But, I’d be trading away the best prospect in baseball. What should I do?

You: [Any story involving golf or fish or boating where someone does not die or at least get maimed by sonar]

You: My son/daughter/dog did the cutest thing yesterday…[insert anything].

You: I killed a family of four and my company covered it up.


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