Alaskan Bail-Out

by Johnny Debacle

California has looked down the fiscal precipice, and decided, in what will likely be its last act before it is broken off into the Ocean, that it will be to try and pay people with monopoly money. While former big 3, current Detroit 3 automakers have a certain distinctive bailoutable je ne sais quoi [Spanish Editor: CHE¿], top 10 global economies apparently lack that very same certain distinctive bailoutable quality. Alaska on the other hand, its keen efficiency likely stemming from its walrus population, is entirely bailoutable. So long as it is being bailed-out of rather than just bailed-out:

My decision was also fortified during this most recent trip to Kosovo and Landstuhl, to visit our wounded soldiers overseas, those who sacrifice themselves in war for our freedom and security… we can ALL learn from our selfless Troops… they’re bold, they don’t give up, they take a stand and know that life is short so they choose to not waste time.

If I have learned one thing: life is about choices!

And one chooses how to react to circumstances. You can choose to engage in things that tear down, or build up. I choose to work very hard on a path for fruitfulness and productivity. I choose not to tear down and waste precious time; but to build up this state and our country, and her industrious, generous, patriotic, free people!

So I choose, for my State and my family, more “freedom” to progress, all the way around… so that Alaska may progress… I will not seek re-election as Governor.

My mother always told me “When the going gets tough, you gotta get the fuck out…to progress” so it’s good to know that at least one elected official agrees with Ma D. Thank you Sarah Palin! She also told me if you want to build something up, you have to set it free by quitting your job with it. Mom was the best. Until she left us for lucrative book offers, TV positions and our continental Uncle Sam.

Recommendation: After Alaska’s bail-out, I can only imagine that Alaska will be on a roll. But will this Alaskan roll be superior to the California Roll? Because of the avocado overlap, the key angle for analysis will be the freshness of the salmon that is used in the Alaskan roll. For now we think the Alaskan roll looks promising but our analysis is subject to change based on the day of the week, the ability to source fresh salmon and the reputation of the sushi-chef.

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  1. Harndog
    July 7th, 2009 | 10:57 am

    Mrs. Palin…

    Positively stupid…

  2. July 7th, 2009 | 1:21 pm

    I really wish I had found a place to make a joke like “Sarah Palin will now have the money and time to sit back and enjoy sipping a glass of cheap Kristol”. I guess I just did.

  3. July 7th, 2009 | 1:40 pm

    Playmate of the Year 2010, YES!

  4. Hans Moleman
    July 7th, 2009 | 9:39 pm

    Reminds me of a quote that could be entirely relevant to investing:

    “When life hands you lemons, just say ‘fuck the lemons’ and bail”

    – from ‘Forgetting Sarah Marshall’