All Your Crash is Belong to US

by Johnny Debacle

Dear RoW,

Hey there, bro. We see that you have been having a pretty difficult time of late over there in your unspecified foreign countries. We feel your pain.

But bro, we don’t feel bad about your pain. See all these years, you have been telling US how better you are than US. How you are more fair. How you have universal medicine, or don’t believe in playing spin the bottle with the Middle East and being forced to spend 7 years in heaven with Iraq in the closet, or aren’t populated with rednecks, or graduate more science PhDs or whatever. How you are cultured and not obese. How you were smarter than US, how your way was way better. Well amigo, what is the haps now?

Yeah the US has been going down. Shit’s true, can’t deny that. We have had our financial foibles, our credit crises and real estate bubbles. Our stock market has been getting crushed and many of our leading firms no longer even exist. But you, you RoW, your stock markets have been getting even MORE crushed. Your banks are in even MORE precarious positions than ours. Your culture and economy and currency and utopian ideals are all showing cracks and are ready to break. You don’t know what to do and to be honest bro, you’re probably screwed.

And this is by design. Our forefathers claimed America by giving those Indian bros pox infested blankets. And we are claiming the RoW by doling out our MBS, our structured products, our overpriced assets and a little friend called contagion. FYI pox be in all that crap.

When the US wins, we win. When the US loses, we still win relative to the RoW, taking you down more than US. This is why we are the hegemon, bro.

Sincerely,
US

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