Analytiquication Sans L’Informatione: Iceland

by Johnny Debacle

Even the horses are rocking the Euro mulletWe have embarked on a new type of analysis which we call “Analytiquation Sans L’Informatione”, which might be french for something but probably is not. Today we tackle Iceland, where our only source is Iceland: When Too Big To Fail Becomes Too Big To Rescue, a link on our favorite Salmon’s blog. We will take the words and comments from that one link and come to investable conclusions without using a single other source of third party data, so that our analysis remains pure and untainted.

Analytiquication Sans L’Informatione: Iceland
Source: Iceland: When Too Big To Fail Becomes Too Big To Rescue

Comment: [Iceland is] fighting powers that they are powerless to fight. It’s like tackling a storm raging in the sea with a teaspoon. The main supermarket can’t get imported goods because they have no currency. The shops are half empty. One of the store managers has advised people to start hoarding. We’re running out of oil. And winter came last night – about a month early.

Analysis: This sounds like panic, and one of the keys to getting out of trouble, even of you find yourself stuck in a fjord, caught below a dyke or being strangled by a pack of bjorks (warning those things may not actually be Icelandic), is not to panic. So do not panic before reading the rest of this comment. Contrarian analysis indicates that if someone says “we’re running out of oil”, it probably means they are not actually running out of oil because they must be aware of how much oil they need so are now appropriately prioritizing it. Like when I used to put pillows on top of my brother’s head, and he used to complain “I can’t breathe JD, stop please!”. Save the words for the birds bro, I know you’re breathing if you’re talking. It was tough growing up an only child.

Comment: This is not right “The shops are half empty” there stores are full Everything is just more expensive and we are not running out of oil, the government will not lat that happen, the government is running thundered of cars, run ships, helicopters,airplanes so they need oil them self so they will not let the country run out of oil. Most of the news we are hearing now in Iceland…well lets say they are not all true.

Analysis: We knew we were right before and that that panicky email was wrong. We were able to use this latest comment in conjunction with our razor-sharp confirmation bias to refute all those who doubted our previous paragraph. This is why analysts need more and more data and deserve to be paid huge sums of money. If we don’t have the former, how can we inundate you with how correct we are, like how I am doing now? If we don’t have the latter, how do we maintain our model girlfriends’ cocaine habits?

Comment: Iceland produce 5% of all aluminium in the world and our mutual fund is bigger than Norways oil fund per person. People forget the fact that we have highest standard of lifing in the world and we will be on the top again next year. There is nothing to fear in Iceland.

Analysis: This does not pass the smell test. Olfactory analysis is key in understanding smaller, niche markets like Iceland. It’s impossible to visit there by plane and very few people have ever even seen an Icelander, so analysts must sniff in the general direction of Reykjavik and glean what they can from the scents. And my Moody’s rated nose indicated that there is no whiff of aluminium. Moody’s rates my nose as a Baa2, which means the implied default rate is only 87%, so you know you can trust it.

Comment: We will see more and more nations literally disappear. Iceland will shortly be returned to wilderness.

Analysis: When the Age of the Cephalopod is upon us, and the Age of Man is at an end, Iceland will be one of the first nations to go, due to its isolated oceanic location and vast volcanic power sources. This comment is right in suggesting that the fall of Iceland may be a catalyst for positioning one’s portfolio for full exposure to cephalopodic plays.

Comment: They’re vikings… Canadians and Americans better watch out, soon there will be a fleet of angry Icelanders landing on your coasts to loot and rape.

Analysis: To paraphrase Robert the Bruce, “you’ve been raped by worse! Now be raped with me!” There are some attractive broads over there, so there really are worse fates. But the truth is, Iceland, it’s too bad you could never rape us…because we would consent.

Recommendation: To summarize, and in summary, do not panic in Iceland or about Iceland, Iceland and the world is not running out of oil, everything is ok, except the fact that Iceland is about to be reclaimed by the sea and subject to, along with the rest of Earth, the rule of giant squid masters, also Iceland can’t rape the US because we have it coming and would likely enjoy it. Invest on that.

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