Congratulations on Passing Taking the CFA Level I Exam

by Johnny Debacle

Saturday was the day of days, the culmination of hundreds of hours of learning esoteric, mostly useless crap that you will now ignore for the rest of your professional careers. The Level I CFA Exam took place around the world.

To 50% of you: consider another career path! You failed to obtain Part I of your financial merit badge triforce. But thanks for making my life easier, stock brokers.

To the girl with the lucky Hello Kitty pencil case: You were so unnerved at not being able to bring your case into the exam that you probably failed, thank you for being a moron and helping the curve.

To the 20% of you who were women: Enjoy a career of persistent ingrained sexual harassment and marginalization at the hands of men who have been taught by experience and by their mothers to never trust anything which bleeds once per month or anyone who doesn’t drink and have sex with chicks. Perhaps look for related sexual harassment arbitrage opportunities.

To all those who took the CFA: Congratulations on taking the C.F.A. and guaranteeing a career of superior investment performance!

This post was calculated in accordance with the Global Investment Performance Standards

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