Dear LoS: Cleaning My Office

by Mr Juggles

Dear LoS,

I work long hard hours in my bank and it’s rare that I have any time to develop a relationship or even to find a one night stand. It’s gotten to the point where I have recently begun fantasizing about Lupita, the 4’6″ bell-shaped woman who cleans our office after 8pm. She may not be pretty, but I’m 80% confident she is a woman. Would it be wrong for me to develop a purely physical relationship with her?

Cleaning dirty,
Henry Meeker

Henry,

While Lupita may sate the needs of your physical manhood, she will not serve the needs of your heart in the long run. Worse, she will put your pride at risk. At first, it will start physical. You will assure yourself and her that there will be no kissing and that you would do it b-side only. But as you suck the teet of nominal human warmth, you will become addicted to its nourishing milk.

Your affair will be a forbidden love, a romantic lambada, reserved for the shadows of the weeknight night, in closets and bathroom stalls, the scent of Windex clinging to the air, not unlike how you cling to her fupa. If this dalliance were to be uncovered (and the smell that would permanently waft off of you would ensure it), it would spell ruin for you. No massaging of the numbers can hide the indelible mark Lupita would imprint on the balance sheet of your manhood.

Regards,
LoS

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