Dear LoS: Cleaning My Office

by Mr Juggles

Dear LoS,

I work long hard hours in my bank and it’s rare that I have any time to develop a relationship or even to find a one night stand. It’s gotten to the point where I have recently begun fantasizing about Lupita, the 4’6″ bell-shaped woman who cleans our office after 8pm. She may not be pretty, but I’m 80% confident she is a woman. Would it be wrong for me to develop a purely physical relationship with her?

Cleaning dirty,
Henry Meeker


While Lupita may sate the needs of your physical manhood, she will not serve the needs of your heart in the long run. Worse, she will put your pride at risk. At first, it will start physical. You will assure yourself and her that there will be no kissing and that you would do it b-side only. But as you suck the teet of nominal human warmth, you will become addicted to its nourishing milk.

Your affair will be a forbidden love, a romantic lambada, reserved for the shadows of the weeknight night, in closets and bathroom stalls, the scent of Windex clinging to the air, not unlike how you cling to her fupa. If this dalliance were to be uncovered (and the smell that would permanently waft off of you would ensure it), it would spell ruin for you. No massaging of the numbers can hide the indelible mark Lupita would imprint on the balance sheet of your manhood.


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  1. harvey
    June 13th, 2007 | 11:00 am

    ew, gross. why?

  2. JCauto
    June 13th, 2007 | 11:07 am

    If LoS is entering the personal counselor market, I’ve got a backlog of orders.

  3. mini ballerette.
    June 13th, 2007 | 12:32 pm

    hahah classic!

  4. bootsy call
    June 13th, 2007 | 1:07 pm

    if it was good enough for preston blake…

    long: john turturro
    short: adam sandler

  5. ko
    June 13th, 2007 | 1:45 pm

    When in doubt simply ask yourself one question: would a true mini-baller do it?

  6. chris
    June 13th, 2007 | 3:09 pm


  7. June 13th, 2007 | 3:18 pm

    Double bag it and imagine in his head she was a midget plus sized model.

  8. mary blodget
    June 13th, 2007 | 11:47 pm

    nasty. quit banking if this is where it’s taking you…

  9. steve
    June 14th, 2007 | 8:16 am

    short: fupa
    long: vagomach (vah-gu-mech)