I’m Short People Who Put the Canadian Flag on their Bags

by Johnny Debacle

I have seen this all over Europe, Latin America and in the Middle East, and I’m onto you….and so are the terrorists.

There are 30mm Canadians in the world, compared to ~300mm USAians, so the sheer volume of Canadian flags is laughable. What do you expect to happen when you’ve got your backpack on and are walking down a street in Istanbul and Mohammad Jihad spots you, and wants to take you hostage? Do you think it will play out like this:

Inner dialogue of Mohammad Jihad: Hmmm, I see that potential hostage, she’d look great in silk pajamas with a bag over her head. Totally alone, I can capture her with ease. Stupid American!
Mohammad Jihad: Excuse me, miss, I am taking you hostage.
“Canadian Girl”: Didn’t you see, I’m Canadian. [points to the Canadian flag patch on her Jansport backpack]
Mohammad Jihad: Oh right, sorry miss, my mistake. I draw a moral line in my terrorist activites between the white people in the western hemisphere who are American and those who aren’t American but merely passively benefit from American policies and have a lower standard of living, a lower GDP per capita, poor quality healthcare and too many Tim Horton’s. Have a good night.

How low in character do you have to be to live in a country whose flag you are afraid to bear? Answer: Very low.

How low in character do you have to be to sport a flag for a country that is inferior to your own by almost every measure except in terms of mooses and hockey sticks per capita? Answer: Even lower.

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