Kaiser Falcon Eyes

by Kaiser Edamame

Regal Falcon EyesIn mid-06, I added a new (additional) computer monitor to my desk thinking – MY PRODUCTIVITY COULD DOUBLE. HUZZAH!

I left my bloomberg ticker screen on one monitor and any work in progress on my other monitor. After three weeks my right eye was twitching which was worrisome since I’ve had the eyes of a falcon since I was two; literally my dad shot a falcon took its eyes out and replaced my human eyes with falcon eyes – it’s sort of like LASIK but more wild. So I went to the doctor and he told me I had an eye problem and it was either because I was using rotting falcon eyes or because there was a red and green flashing screen in my periphery 12 hours per day.

Well I fixed that, now my Bloomberg screen is directly in my line of sight and I moved any models or real work to my periphery at all times. My eyes feel better already. And I always know the most recent price of every stock I follow which comes in very handy for making sound investment choices and stumping your boss.

me: “Hey, Steve, you see what LEN did this morning? . . . Up 120 bps, yeah, bet you didn’t know that”
my boss Steve: “Falcon Eyes, you’ve stumped me again, give yourself a raise”

See? Amazing.


Phase 1: Get yourself some falcon eyes.
Phase 2: Buy a Bloomberg subscription.
Phase 3: Open your launchpad, fill it with tickers and stare at it all day long.
Phase 4: Profits for your firm and for you.

This post was 80% true story.

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  1. WTF
    January 11th, 2007 | 8:45 am

    Did you guys short funny?

  2. January 11th, 2007 | 9:00 am

    yeah i wrote it hungover on a plane and thought it was too weird, but juggles insisted it would fly. sorry.

  3. January 11th, 2007 | 9:08 am


    I’d just like to say, that even though I think you’re an evil person, and even though I came here intending to kill you, I’ve been really impressed with your honesty. You’re kind of straight talk is rare in today’s business world.


  4. jake
    August 16th, 2007 | 7:56 pm

    i liked it