Long or Short Capital to Become Bank Holding Company

by Mr Juggles

Long or Short Capital has received preliminary approval to become a bank holding company as of November 13th 2008. Long or Short Capital, through absolutely no fault of management, has been hit by The Perfect Storm of Perfect Storms. This storm impaired our capital and destroyed our ability to continue paying lucrative dividends to subscriberholders. These dividends are the lifeblood for our investors/readers, many of whom derive the majority of a minority of their income from Long or Short Capital dividends. Transforming the company from a purely fictional producer of financial satire into a bank holding company will allow Long or Short Capital to access the TARP, the Fed discount window, and the slush fund to pay US auto workers*. The company plans to immediately draw down the full amount of money available and prudently pay it out immediately to our subscriberholders after first contributing heavily to the executive pension fund and rewarding management performance with large bonuses. We anticipate there will also be a meaningful amount of embezzlement, but only to a level that is market. We appreciate the continued support of all our stakeholders.

*for voting Democrat (Thank You!)

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