My Privates’ Insurance

by Kaiser Edamame

So I was thinking over the weekend, what’s most important to me? I decided it’s my private parts. As I thought about these valuable assets I started thinking about how reckless I am with them. I realized I should either be more careful or take out an enormous insurance policy on them. I had heard of this being done before. I had also heard Lloyd’s of London was the place that could help me so I rung them up.

Lloyd’s operator: Hello, Lloyd’s of London how may I direct your call?

Me: Hi, I’d like to insure my privates.

Ll: Excuse me?

Me: My John Thomas. My knob. And my bits too.

Ll: What???

Me: My privates, I’d like to insure them, they are very valuable to me.

Ll: Sir, we can’t insure your privates unless they are income generating. They have to be valuable to someone else for us to insure them.

Me: Why? They’re valuable to my girlfriend.

Ll: It’s because of moral hazard, sir.

Me: Moral hazard? That’s a big word for a switch board operator.

Ll: Two words. We have to prove that you have an incentive not to let the goods be damaged.

Me: I’ll show you my incentive.

Ll: Are you hitting on me?

Me: Maybe. Depends on what you look like. What do you look like? And does Lloyd’s do field apprasials for their policies?

Ll: Cheers.


I am naked long my privates and am looking to hedge out my exposure in the open market. Any ideas on how to do so would be greatly appreciated.

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