Previously On “The Markets”

by Johnny Debacle

The entire country was in debt so they could buy shiny shit, the lenders began to realize how screwed they were, one bank gets rescued, one gets failed, one gets forced to be acquired by Wells, one merged with BofA, Schumer mentions Indymac might fail, Indymac fails, Paulson’s TARP is supposed to buy one type of asset, ok now you can’t short, ok now you can short, now Paulson’s TARP will buy peferred stock in banks and whatever, bad stuff, lots of pain, exit old President, entrance new President, same as the old President but cooler, ok now Geithner has a NEW plan, but it is X, solve for it, now Obama has a house plan and it is “Banks eat the loss, homeowners win, and no third party would want to buy any of these mortgages ever because of the terms”, now Dodd says that BofA and C might be nationalized for a short time, everything tanks, but is ok now, your bank may or may not exist by the time of publication.

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