Previously On “The Markets”

by Johnny Debacle

The entire country was in debt so they could buy shiny shit, the lenders began to realize how screwed they were, one bank gets rescued, one gets failed, one gets forced to be acquired by Wells, one merged with BofA, Schumer mentions Indymac might fail, Indymac fails, Paulson’s TARP is supposed to buy one type of asset, ok now you can’t short, ok now you can short, now Paulson’s TARP will buy peferred stock in banks and whatever, bad stuff, lots of pain, exit old President, entrance new President, same as the old President but cooler, ok now Geithner has a NEW plan, but it is X, solve for it, now Obama has a house plan and it is “Banks eat the loss, homeowners win, and no third party would want to buy any of these mortgages ever because of the terms”, now Dodd says that BofA and C might be nationalized for a short time, everything tanks, but is ok now, your bank may or may not exist by the time of publication.

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  1. Cornelius
    February 23rd, 2009 | 10:56 am

    what’s the point of this post? Great to be back commenting on these posts, by the way.


  2. Cornelius
    February 23rd, 2009 | 10:57 am

    what’s the point of this post? Great to be back commenting again, by the way.


  3. Pleb
    February 23rd, 2009 | 11:28 am

    Sometimes, things are so absurd that even an absurdist comic can’t crack a joke about them, since nobody can suspend disbelief long enough to actually internalize what is really happening. It’s just not plausible.

    “My plan to save the economy is to find defaulters on mortgages that are so bad, there’s no way they can make payments. I’m going to give them money, and force the banks to write down their loans (probably bankrupting some banks), after which at least 80% of the defaulters will default again within 6 months. Along with hiring lots of illegal immigrants to work on government construction contracts and some midnight basketball type programs, this measure will prop up the housing bubble and save our economy.”

    WTF? Andy Kaufman at his most twisted could have dropped acid and not slept for a week straight, and still couldn’t have come up with some crazy shit like that.

  4. February 23rd, 2009 | 11:49 am

    This was an elongated version of a google talk summary I was sending to Juggles of what has gone down in the last 18 months or so. It just seemed crazy all laid out like that.

  5. Theoretical
    February 23rd, 2009 | 3:31 pm

    But who shot JR?!?

  6. February 23rd, 2009 | 3:36 pm

    Desmond Hume.