Proposed Changes to the Koran: Part 1

by Mr Juggles

My knowledge of Islamic doctrine is admittedly limited — I’m the same guy who thought that “Mecca” was a low-carb energy drink until early last week. Apparently, the Koran prohibits the paying or receiving of interest. It’s high time for Muslim leaders to update that belief because they’re missing out on the American dream and the greatest invention of the modern age: sophisticated financial products. Why should I be able to own 6 condos in Miami (and a duplex in the Valley) while Muslims everywhere are forced to barter for housing?

It just seems like the type of situation where Muslim leaders should get together and say “Ok, from now on, this rule only applies to excessive interest. No loan sharking but that mortgage from Countrywide is A-OK.”

I bet Mohammed would have been all about 4.4% fixed rate mortgages. He was only pissed because he had bad credit and the best he could do at the local medieval mortgage broker was a 7.8% 5/1 ARM. No way you want to put that kind of financing on a herd of mangy goats; you can’t get gap insurance on them! I’d be pissed too.

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